I Need You (Min Yoongi X Depressed Reader)

Remember

"Yoongi......" 

"Yoongi wake up......"

"Come on we have to go" 

"Jin, Jimin go away! Let me sleep" 

It's been three days since Y/n left. Three days of the boys feeling hopeless, lifeless and depressed. Like nothing they do matters even though that it isn't true they still feel that way. Yoongi struggling the most. Not leaving his room, staying up all night and sleeping all day and he isn't eating. His weight dropping significantly and the bags under his eyes growing and growing.  

"Please Yoongi we have to go. The others are waiting for us" 

"Jimin is right Yoongi, we need to practice for our comeback. I know you don't want to but its important. Y/n would want you to keep going" 

"Fine! Whatever! Just stop talking already" And with that Yoongi was up and ready to go. The comeback wasn't on his mind though, Y/n was. He wanted to see her, hold her hand and tell her everything was going to be okay but he couldn't. 

"Jin what do we do?"

"I don't know. I don't think there is anything we can do other than be there for him" 

The two boys quietly follow after Yoongi, anxious and worried about how he's coping. 

The boys practice for hours upon hours wearing them out as the day goes by.  As they are having a short break Namjoon approaches Yoongi, worried about how he is doing, even more so after what Jin and Jimin had told him about what happened before they arrived. 

"Yoongi...How are you doing?" Yoongi's eyes flinch away and face the ground. His hands become fidgety and he mumbles his words. He's much more honest with Namjoon, comfortable even but still it doesn't make the situation any better.

"I'm.... I'm not okay." 

"I know you miss Y/n, we all do. This whole situation sucks, all that we can do is keep going and push forward" 

"You don't understand. No one understands. I'm not acting like this because I miss her. I do miss her a lot but I'm worried, anxious, I can't sleep a night. I'm scared that she's going to hurt herself again. She gets lonely so easily and this person threatening her has sparked that side of her again and now she has to deal with it all by herself and I can't do anything about it"  

Namjoon stands there, unsure on how to respond to what Yoongi has just said because he knows he's right. 

"I'm sorry Yoongi" 

I sit at my desk. The world around me is quiet but that's only because I don't want to listen to it. My vision, blurry. Everything is blurry, I can't concentrate. I need to be here though, at work that is. I've already been off for too many days, I still need to make a living even with all this shit going on in my life. My stomach growling and my head grows heavy due to the lack of water in my body. My arms are burning, a sensation I haven't felt in a while but I guess I just can't escape me.  

"M-miss Y/n.... Miss Y/n" Ji ah, the girl that always seems to be asking if I'm okay. She's waving her hands in front of me trying to grab my attention so suddenly I'm brought back to reality. 

"Oh sorry, is there something wrong" My voice is shaky, you can tell that I'm nervous.

"I'm fine, you just don't look well. Plus you haven't been here for quite a while, is everything okay?" 

"I'm fine Ji ah. Thank you for asking" 

"Oh you remember my name, I didn't think you would" 

"Of course I remember your name, you're one of my best students" 

"Thank you Miss Y/n! Please look after yourself" After that she happily walks away and still I feel like crap. I need some air so I stand up in front of the class.

"I'll be right back everyone. Please continue to work quietly" I quickly leave the room avoiding eye contact with everyone. As I leave the building and the fresh air hits my face my body releases and I begin to cry. Emotions that have been built up all day are finally released and If I'm honest it feels nice to let go but I wish I was stronger. 

As the day ends and I arrive I home I collapse on the couch as my body finally gives up on me. I feel so lonely. Normally I would be with the boys laughing, eating, having fun or Yoongi would be here and we would be cuddling or making music. Now.... now I'm by myself again. 

As I sigh loudly a notification goes off on my phone.  The concept photos have been released for BTS's new album. Immediately I check to see what they look like. I swipe and swipe till finally I'm on Yoongi's photo. He looks so cute. His hair a different colour complementing his pale skin. He's smiling, I love it when he smiles.  I don't think he does it enough but who am I to say that, I don't either. I really miss him, I miss holding his hand, kissing his cheek, writing music. I miss the other boys as well. Jin's cooking, Namjoon's laugh, Hoseoks, jokes, Jimin and Jungkook making fun of each other and Tae always looking out for me. I know I'm acting like it's the end of the world, but I'm greedy. I want them all again. I want their love and kindness. Everything, who knows if I'll ever get it back?   

I sit up from the couch as it has started to rain. I walk over to the window and open the curtains watching as it pours. Everything becoming foggy and cold. I'm reminded of the day I met Yoongi. My clothes were soaked and I was freezing. I sat on the cold cement and my knees were pulled up to my chest. It was right time, right place kind of moment. If I had been just a few minutes late or if I didn't leave the apartment that day I never would've met him. I never would have fell in love with him and he never would've fallen in love with me. I never would've met the other boys and become friends with them. I never would've gotten back into music, something that I was so passionate about. I never would've become happy, who knows if I would still be alive right now? 

I begin to hum to myself to the rhythm of the water droplets hitting my window. I grab my guitar that is sitting to left of me and I begin to play. Random chords coming to my mind, I strum them, making it up as I go. The stress starting to leave my body but yet I'm still not happy. Everything is hard, too hard. I keep going though but I do want to give up sometimes. Being with Yoongi hid those feelings, I thought they were gone at one point but they were just hiding in the back of my mind. 

I put my guitar down and I grab my earphones and large jumper that lays on the floor. I put it on and I leave my apartment and I walk just like that day I met Yoongi. I don't know where I'm going, I just need to go. Now I'm just not thinking clearly. I keep walking though. 

I think an hour or so passes, time is moving slowly. Suddenly I look up from the ground to see that a car is approaching me very quickly on the road that is to left of the footpath. It moves in slow mo, I feel as though I have stopped time. The water drops frozen and I can hear nothing. The word and everything in it has stopped but me. I consider it. Every bad thought, memory comes to mind. Everything that I've ever done wrong and will not ever achieve is there as well. I turn to the left and I step to the side of the road. One foot in front of the other. I'm really considering it. Giving up. Do I step in front of that car? Should I just give up and end it all now? I've ruined my dads life, my mums life and now BTS's life. Why should I keep on living when all I do is cause dreadful things. Making people worry all the time, causing them to become sad. Maybe if I was no longer here that would all stop. Everyone would now be happy. Even with me gone the world keeps moving and moving, it never stops so whats the point if I'm gone, it won't make a difference anyway. I step forward again, almost fully on the road, the car approaching faster and faster. One more step and a few more seconds later and I'll be dead, gone forever, out of everyone's life. I go to step one more time but then Yoongi pops into mind. The memories of when we first fell asleep together, when we hugged, our first unofficial date, when he asked me to be his girlfriend, my birthday, making music, eating food, when we kiss...... I love him. I turn around and I step back onto the path. My heart racing, how could I almost do that. I need to keep going for Yoongi. He needs me. 

~Authors Notes~

Ahhhh sorry this chapter sucks. Also oh ma god Map of the Soul: Persona is amazing! I love every song so much but I think Home and Jamais Vu are my favourites and that music video for Boy with Luv is so good! I love the colours and the choreography and Yoongi's verse, don't even get me started! Also Halsey is such a queen.