Probably

Chapter 8

                                 Simple & Pure Victory, That’s All

A/n: i was damn bored and I was extremely free so double update!!

Antoine
A few months had passed since the wedding. I hadn’t spoken to anyone since then. I didn’t know how these months had passed or what I had done in them. Only thing I knew was that on that day, I let my darkness get the better of me, and thus I had managed to lose the girl that I loved the most in my life. Life had come back to normal for all present at the wedding, except for me. I woke up everyday cursing myself and ended the day crying myself to sleep. This had now become my daily routine.

I didn’t know how, but I had started dating Crimsyn. I still can’t believe that I was so pissed on seeing Veronica with that man, that I didn’t even give her a chance to explain herself. She had texted me and called me multiple times, but I didn’t reply to any of them. The burden of the guilt was so heavy that I just couldn’t gather the strength and courage to reply back.

I didn’t know who that man was, that shattered my dream of a perfect life with Veronica, and I didn’t know whether she was currently dating him or whether she used to date him. I didn’t know how they were linked. I always told myself I didn’t care, but I actually did, and the fact that I didn’t know anything, was killing me. My life was literally falling apart in front of my eyes, and I was helplessly witnessing it happen, without being able to do anything.

Just the thought of having lost her for the second time, because of my utter foolishness and jealousy, was killing me from within. But was I really responsible for loosing her this time or was it just never meant to be? I mean, she did kiss him or at least that’s what I think she did. But even if I say she didn’t kiss him back, she at least didn’t prevent him from kissing her.

She probably never loved me the way I loved her. Probably every word that she said to me at the wedding, under the stars that bore witness to the purity of my feelings for her in my heart, was just said so that I don’t feel bad or just said as a friend. Probably, I took the wrong meaning of her words and thus led my hopes and heart to get carried away and pick up all the wrong signals. Everything in my life now seemed to be based on this one word- ‘PROBABLY’.

I was in my bed, lost in my thoughts of self-pity and anguish, looking up at my white ceiling, when suddenly something on my bed, under my sheets, moved and clung to me tightly. I was about to scream and get it off me, by jumping out of the bed, when I heard it say with a deep and sleepy voice, “Good morning sunshine.”

I completely forgot that Crimsyn was in my apartment, and in my bed with me. My face clearly showed a question mark which could be easily translated to- why are you in my bed? I didn’t know why I was still dating her, or as to why she was still dating me, even when I was not giving her any attention? Was she with me for the media attention and fame or did she actually like me?

Whatever it was, I couldn’t care less about it. I didn’t care about her or anything to do with her, so, it was her problem if she wished to stick around just for the attention, because there was definitely nothing going on between the two of us, and clearly, there was no chemistry. I mean, the signs of it are just so damn obvious. Anyone stupid would also understand that I was clearly not interested in her. Then why couldn’t this Harvard graduate not understand?

The only thing I knew in this relationship was that, I didn’t want to be the one to break up with her. It wouldn’t be humane of me to break up with her over the reason that I kissed her, merely to get back at someone, who was probably never mine, and also because I wasn’t really interested in her. Circumstances hadn’t made me that cruel yet, that I don’t care about other’s feelings.