Heya guys here's the next chapter of the story. Really hope you like it. Leave me your feedback.
Niall's Pov:
The months are going fast to everybody, But to me the months are dragging on and on. The feelings I have inside haven't gotten better. My insides still scream in agony everytime I see them, Everytime I hear that word. It's gotten worse. Everyday a new rumor spreads. Everyday more people talk about them as a couple. More papers and teen magazines have them plastered everywhere, I can't escape it. It's a dark cloud that's following me around even when the suns shining bright in the sky. He dosen't feel like my Zayn anymore. He's not my Zayn anymore. He used to notice when I wasn't ok. He used to see pain in my eyes that nobody else would notice, But he dosen't see it anymore. Or maybe he can't because I've just gotten so good at pretending. One smile can hide so many things. It can hide so much pain and suffering. I have no way out. I have no escape apart from one. There is one thing that helps, One thing that makes it all better even if it's only for a few moments. My cuttings gotten worse. Whenever I feel at my lowest or something new happens with the perfect couple, I roll up my sleeves, I place the blade to my flesh, Then everythings ok again. My bodies full of scars. Scars from cutting. Some have healed, Some are fresh. I want him to see. I want him to see it all, But he won't.
"Are you feeling any better baby?" Zayn asked as we laid out in my bunk. This was the only time he was mine again. The only time I had Zayn to myself. The only time he wouldn't run off because she needed him, Or management wanted him where they were. When we tour it's the only time he's mine again. It's the only time I fall asleep in his arms knowing he'll still be there when I open my eyes. It shouldn't be like that.
"Yeah I'm fine" I mumbled as I cuddled closer to him, Zayn took a deep breath as he ran his fingers through my hair.
"Your natural colours coming through" He said, I chuckled softly.
"Probably have to get it done again soon" I replied.
"Don't" I looked up at Zayn with confusion in my eyes. "Try and leave it for as long as you can, I like your natural colour" I smiled weakly before Zayn leaned down and kissed my lips. "Ni aren't you hot? Wearing that hoodie, I'm boiling and your more covered up then I am" Zayn exclaimed, I slowly shook my head. I am hot. I'm boiling, But I can't take it off. If I take it off he'll see, He'll see all the scars.
"Bit chilly" I commented. "Anyway are you coming with me to Ireland for the break? I thought we could have a few drinks with some mates for my birthday" I tried changing the subject, Zayn sighed deeply.
"Sounds amazing" A smile spread across my face. "But I can't" The disappointment came crashing down. "Little mix have some press stuff to do and they've got a few performances. Management want me pictured there and they want me at at least one show before we go on the road again" Zayn explained, Same old story.
"Oh alright don't worry about it. My mum just wanted to see you again that's all" I mumbled.
"Well I'll see her when we play madison square garden" Excitement suddenly filled my insides. I couldn't believe it even now, We've known we'd be playing it for months, But I still feel like a small child on christmas day when I hear it being said.
"It's crazy how far we've come. I never thought we'd be where we are. I can't wait for my family to see me!" I exclaimed, Zayn smiled brightly.
"Me neither. Management are flying Perrie over too" My heart sunk. "It'll be good for her to see what she can achieve if she works hard enough" Zayn added. What he meant to say was if he worked hard enough for her. Why does she have to come? What does our successes have to do with her? She hasn't been there since the start supporting us, So why should she get to spend our night with us?
"That's great" I replied.
"Hmm" Zayn pulled me closer to him. "Better get some sleep before we get to the next town" I placed my hand ontop of his and linked our fingers together, Zayn leaned over and quickly kissed my lips. "Sweet dreams Ni, I love you" Zayn stated, I sighed deeply.
"I love you Zayn".
A day. We hadn't even been home a day before he was off again. He was meant to spend a few days with me before my birthday. We had it all planned. We'd have a small barbecue with the boys and Zayn's friends were going to come up from bradford. I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. Why do I always get them up when I know they'll just crash back down again? We had the barbecue and everything was perfect. We had a laugh with our friends, Played some games then we ran out drink. Myself and a few others headed down to the local supermarket, Zayn said he'd pick out some horror films for us all to watch. When I returned home he was gone. He was gone just like he always was.
"Well where did he go?" Danny asked.
"Management rang they want him in Manchester for the concert" Liam informed us, I slowly nodded my head.
"On Niall's birthday?" Anthony exclaimed.
"Guys it's fine" I mumbled.
"No it's not fine!" Danny stated. "This is fucking stupid! They give an order and he does it it's pathetic! He should be here!" Danny stated, I sighed as Harry placed his arm around me.
'If he wanted to be here he would be' I thought to myself.
"Guys honestly it's alright" All eyes were on me. "He dosen't wanna do it, He has to. If it was up to him he'd be here we all know he would" I wanted them to believe the words I spoke, But more then anything, I wanted to believe them myself.
"Come on boys!" Louis said loudly. "Lets put the films in if you can all handle it" He teased with a cheeky smile, All the lads followed Louis over to the couch apart from Danny, He made his way over to me and placed an arm around my shoulder.
"You sure your alright?" He asked, I slowly nodded my head. "Listen Ni, Zayn's my best mate but you know if you need a mate I'm here for you" he said, I smiled before nodding my head.
"I know man, Thankyou. Better go toilet before the film starts" Danny laughed and nodded his head.
"We won't start without you dude" I nodded my head before walking away from him, I quickly made my way into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. Before I could even register what I was doing, I'd grabbed the razor and blood was on my arm. I stayed in the bathroom for a good ten minutes, Once I'd washed away all the blood I pulled down my sleeve and exited the bathroom. I walked into the sitting room and dropped beside Danny on the couch. Louis pressed play on the film and everyone settled in to watch it. My eyes drifted from the screen to the picture of Zayn and I hanging on the wall, A sigh slipped from my lips.
"He loves you Niall he really does" Danny whispered as he placed his arm around me, I smiled weakly. Then why's he doing this? If he loves me why's he doing it? I really don't know how much more of this I can take.
