Not enough time left for me

Special

Katyas pov:
With so many emotions just hitting me all at once, there's always that one emotion that just hits harder than the rest. I just sat in the same spot where Brenda left me in, processing everything wondering if it's all real.

It's like time stopped and then quickly hit me in the face. This whole time the person I've been calling mom really wasn't. But all the pieces do fall into place.

This all explains why Helena never really listened to our 'mom', and she went her own way while I guess now my stepmom never really cared about her after that. It explains why my stepmom wasn't interested in me or anything. Like I was just background noise to her day.

And how when Brenda first started taking care of me I felt an emotional connection to her but never really figured out why. But the more I think about it me and Brenda do have similar facial features.

But the one thing that just hurts me to the core is knowing that Helena is gone. I'll never be able to see her smile and bright eyes again, feel her touch when she hugs me, or hear her say I love you again. I feel so empty and lost now, I don't feel the same as I used to.

Nothing can fix the hole in my heart that bleeds, like a wound that can never be healed no matter what. The feeling of such a strong bond that's now been completely shattered. Without one, the other can't function. And everything is just black.

Just staring down at the floor as my tear drops fell making a small puddle at my feet. It was big enough to see part of my reflection in it, with just my sad eyes staring back at me. I couldn't stop the tears of pain and heartbreak. Another emotion that I didn't know how to control.

I heard the door softly creek open and light came pooling in. I didn't bother to lift my head up to see who it is, I didn't care and it didn't matter at this moment.

"There you are...Brenda told me you were in here but didn't know if you left or not..." I heard a few footsteps come up to me before I felt a slight dip in the bed I was sitting on. The voice sounded like Trixies mom, which to me is a tad surprising.

"Your probably taking this all in huh...Brenda told me everything...listen I know it's hard loosing someone you love...and your sister was a very kind and beautiful girl..and when she talked to me about doing it she told me that all she wanted was to see you happy...and knew Trixie was the one to keep you smiling...you may have lost her..but now you have Trixie..." i took a deep breath trying to contain myself from crying hard again. This was something that was just so painful but at the same time so joyful.

"She didn't even say goodbye or anything...I was scared cause she never texted me back or gave me a sign...and now hearing this just hurts me more..." I whispered watching more tear drops fall to the floor.

"She didn't say goodbye cause she didn't want to see you cry if she told you....it would break her heart and possibly make her not want to do it..." she pulled me close to her as I sniffed putting my head on her shoulder.

"I miss her so much already...I just want her to come back and tell me everything's ok..." I softly squeaked hugging Trixies mom tightly.

"I know honey I know...but how about we do something that might cheer you up a bit yeah?" She lifted my face up and wiped away my tears and cleaning my face up a bit. Trixies mom is like a second mother to me, but I guess it's just a natural instinct for her to care for me.

After she finished cleaning my face she took my hand and lead me back to Trixies room standing me in front of the door. I looked at her confused as she stepped back and motioned for me to go in. I opened the door and as I took a step in I was instantly met with a giant bear hug and soft squealing. I looked down and saw the familiar curled blonde hair I know and love.

"Look baby look!! I can walk and be free again!! I can dance and run and oh my god I can finally explore with you!!" Trixie squealed more and stepped back bouncing happily wearing a cute shortish pink and blue dress with her hair flowing perfectly down her shoulders. Now at this point I was crying happily.

"I-I-Fucking shit the things you do to me" I laughed lightly as she giggled and hugged me again. I held her tightly and took in her beautiful scent. I feel so calm every time I just take it all in, and with the mix of her in my arms I finally felt ok.

"This means we're going up to the Hollywood hills right?" She asked kissing my cheek. I nodded smiling as I swayed with her a bit.

"This definitely means we're going up there, I made a promise and I won't ever break it" she smiled more and cupped my face in her hands looking at me lovingly. Every time I look at her she always makes all my problems go away, and god I love it so much that she can do that.

"Earlier I heard my heart beat for the first time...and god I've never been happier to hear that in my entire life..and right now I can feel it beat so fast because I'm with you..." I smiled wider with more tears welling up in my eyes before I put my head on her chest and listened to her heart beating.

I held her tighter to me as I continued listening to it just enjoying each beat. I never wanted this moment to end, I felt so safe and relaxes under her touch, and the sound of her heart beating just brought happiness.

"This is the most beautiful thing that I've ever heard...I love you so damn much Trixie...never ever leave me please..." I whispered feeling Trixie softly kiss the top of my head.

"I love you so much too Katya...and I'll never leave you...till death due us part..." she whispered back softly playing with my hair.

Trixie is more then special to me now, she's my soulmate. And now she has a piece of Helena which makes her even more special and dear to me. With every beat that I hear it makes me happier knowing it's Helena's.

Even though someone important and loving to me was lost, I gained someone just as important and she'll stay with me for the rest of my life...