Not enough time left for me

Sick of it

Trixies pov:
"No I don't wanna do testing today ma..." I mumbled as she opened the curtains. I nuzzled into Katya more hoping that she would say fine.

"Trixie honey we have to, what if something goes wrong and we don't know about it?" I groaned and pouted looking at her with sleepy eyes. Man I wish I was a heavy sleeper.

"What's the point...I'm gonna die anyways..." I yawned and my mom looked at me like I just murdered someone.

"Trixie Ann Mattel! What the hell did you just say?!" Well I knew I was fucked t this point since she said my full name. I motioned to Katya smirking hoping we wouldn't have this conversation anymore, but she just moved her onto the couch and put a blanket in her before wheeling me to the boring old testing room.

"Trixie Mattel! Don't you dare say that to me cause it isn't true! What makes you say that?!" She exclaimed as I crossed my arms trying to hold back my tears.

"I heard you talking to someone else three weeks ago and they said I wasn't gonna be able to last a few more months! It's been one already and now I'm riding into my second one! I'm not gonna fucking make it to a year ma!! I'm gonna die and that's it for me! Face it!" I shouldn't have gone so harsh on her cause before you know it the tears were flowing.

"I know. But I'm trying so hard for that not to be true...I just wanna find someone who's able to give you a heart that your body will accept...and it's hard Trixie...if I could I would give you mine...but I don't trust your father...I don't like the sound of you leaving me...we've gotten so far..please..." she sniffed softly taking my hand and holding it close to her.

"But you don't know how it feels to be me everyday...I take so many meds and I'm constantly being checked on and my chest has been ripped open so many god damn times...I'm sick of it...not even that I can't even go anywhere...I can't explore I can't see the world..I'm stuck here...at this point I give up...no ones gonna donate to me...it's been years..I'm ready to just pull the plug and walk the staircase to heaven..." it was getting harder to keep on going since now my mom was full on sobbing now.

"T-Trixie please...j-just keep g-going for m-me...y-your all I-I have l-left..." I felt tears of my own start streaming down my face and before I knew it we were both crying really hard, which isn't good for me since I can't breathe that well so fuck.

"O-ok ok...I-I'm sorryyyyy!! I-I'm just I-in so m-much pain! I-I want I-it to e-endddd!!" My mom held me close as I cried harder, she was trying her best to calm me down but it didn't work that well since now I'm full on emotional.

"Shhh it's ok honey...breathe...you won't be in pain anymore...I can feel it..just keep fighting...shhhh.." the more I cried the harder it was to breathe to the point where I was on my moms lap and breathing in an oxygen mask so I wouldn't fuckin die.

"Now...I'll go soft and slow...you try and relax while I'm doing everything ok honey?" I nodded as she kissed my cheek and doing the regular routine. God sometimes I feel like I'm too over dramatic sometimes.

When we were finally done I got to relax with Katya again even though she was still asleep. I don't blame her though it was only five thirty. I nuzzled into her again and pulled the covers over us getting fully relaxed.

"Trixie honey listen...I don't want you doing anything else today except relaxing ok...I don't want you to stress out anymore.." I nodded looking over at my mom before she kissed my cheek again and left.

I sat there in comfortable silence and just listening to Katyas breathing. It was so soft and was surprisingly calming to me. I know it sounds kinda creepy but it really is.

I felt her arms wrap around me and hold me tight as I smiled. She wasn't lying about the whole protective part, she make sure that even when we're sleeping I'm ok and safe with her. And I think it's adorable how she's already so protective.

Slowly and surly I was starting to fall asleep feeling safe and warm in Katyas arms. To be honest I don't know what I would do without her, even when she's not really with me I feel like she takes all my problems away with just a simple hug or smile.

After a couple more minutes of just thinking to myself I finally fell asleep with a small smile on my face. My life has been happier with Katya, and I never want my happiness to end...