And I've Never Felt This Way Before (Lesbian Story)

Chapter 1 : When Everything Made Sense

I'm not going to deny that I've always been different.

I was never the kind of girl to sit up watching chick-flicks or romantic comedies until early hours of the morning.

I wasn't the kind of girl who drooled over Channing Tatum or who went on and on about the new boy who I was crushing on.

I didn't find movies like 'The Notebook" appealing nor did I ever shed a tear over sad endings that involved a couple who'd had something terribly sad and cliché happen to them.

Ever since I could remember I was always more comfortable in sweats and jeans than 'pretty' little highway skirts. I would murder the person who dared to even think about coming near me with heels or a dress.

My dad left us when I was only 9 , and I started seeing very little of my mom when I turned 10 once she got her new job , that's when everything began to backspin. I've only seen my dad twice since then.

He would never call, text or mail us even if it was just to see how my brother and I were doing. It made me wonder just how everything had gone wrong. We were such a happy family the one day, and it all just disappeared the next. My whole life had suddenly turned around and I found myself falling apart, piece by painful piece.

Slowly but surely I've learnt how to deal with it, how to supress these silly little emotions that made me feel weak and vulnerable. I'm stronger than that now. I've realised that my dad isn't coming back. And by the time my mom decides to give a fuck again, it'll be way to late to fix the permanent damage she's caused.

And that's just how I am now. I don't care , I don't really let things get to me and I don't want any form of 'love' in my life.

But all these barriers that I've put up could never protect me from the one person who would change my life forever.

-

"This high school is so messed up." I muttered to my older brother, Ash, as he drove me to school. He simply nodded in reply , turning his radio up signaling for me to stop talking. 'Zod' by Quantum was on , 'his' song.

I sighed. I hated this song. I have this strange affliction that permanently embeds all songs and their titles into my brain, even if I've only heard it once before. Unfortunately for me, this also meant songs would remain stuck in my head for weeks at a time. This one, in particular, continuously annoyed me whilst trying to fall asleep at 2 AM on a school night.  It. Never. Ended.

Once the song had ended he turned the radio back down to it's original volume and glanced over at me. My feet were up on his dashboard and I'd just lit a cigarette , texting with my free hand and flicking the ash into the back, note the absence of an ashtray, with the other.

"Open a fucking window." He complained , then gestured for me to give him a cigarette which he then tucked behind his ear and grabbed another out of the box and proceeded to light it with one hand keeping his other on the steering then returning his glance to the road. "And get your feet off my dash."

Everyone says my brother and I look a lot alike, we both have a light brown shade of hair . Mine hangning just below the arch of my back. He just recently dyed his tips blonde and he , being the lucky asshole, had aqua blue eyes. Mine were more of a blue with a green tinge to it. We also shared the same athletisim gene, most probably from my dad, as my mom can't jog a few blocks without wheezing. Thanks to this, it's needless to say that we were both pretty hot, and this was nothing wrong with admitting it. Although, I prefer to shrug off the compliments like a half-decent and humbled human-being, whereas Ash flaunts it like an asshole.

He's 19 and I just only turned 16 a month ago.

He wasn't always such a dick, honestly, he was actually pretty sweet when he wanted to be. He sort of took the role of my dad after he left when he was only 12 and I was 9. Back then I took it pretty hard. Partly what I remember from my childhood came in moments. Waves of memories which crashed over me and shattered like glass. I never spoke about my father. All these memories were pushed into the deepest and darkest crevices of my mind, where I would ignore the taunts of the voices who lived there.