Estella

Chapter 16

"What's wrong, is everything okay?" Parker asks me, his tone, as always, shows me that he really does care.

Tears begin to fill my eyes.

I just committed to telling him.

I just told him that I need to tell him something.

And I know that he knows that it is serious.

Now I just need to tell him.

I just stand there for a few seconds, trying to get the words to leave my mouth.

The words seem to refuse to leave my mouth.

Why is telling him so hard?

I know I am scared he will run away, but there is no escaping the fact that I am pregnant.

"Estella?" He asks me, wondering why I suddenly shut down.

I just start crying more.

"I'm pregnant." I finally blurt out.

Everything seems to go silent.

My tears cannot seem to stop pouring, or even slow down.

Rather than immediately saying something, Parker's response is to pull me into a tight hug.

After a few seconds we finally pull away from each other.

"Estella, it's okay." He tells me.

"You don't hate me?" I ask him, irrationally.

He would never hate me.

"Estella, I could never hate you, especially because of something like this. I already know that this wasn't your decision, you didn't ask for this, I could never hate you because of this, especially when its something he did, not you." Parker tells me.

It's hard knowing that everyone knows that I was raped, and none of them even seemed surprised, they just all know that it happened, and regularly, at that.

It's hard knowing that all these people know what happened to me.

I don't want them to all pity me.

But, had I not been pregnant, none of this would have happened.

I never would have told my parents anything, and I would still be stuck with Jacob.

"How far along are you?" He asks me, clearly trying to make the best of an awkward situation.

"Well, as of today, twenty weeks, or the typical halfway point." I tell him.

"Do you know what you are having yet?" He questions.

"I am finding out next week." I tell him.

I am excited but also terrified to find out the gender of my child.

Obviously, I don't care what the result is.

I just now that finding out is going to make everything that much more real.

My life is never going to be the same.

From the moment my child is born, they are going to be everything.

Nothing else is going to matter nearly as much.

Nothing else could.

I don't care if I never get married, or find someone to even date me ever, all I care about is giving my child the best life.

I know that isn't going to be easy.

I am going to need to juggle school and a newborn at the same time, and alone at that.

Then, after that, it will be my career and my child.

I know my parents are going to do everything they can to help me.

But I don't want to rely on them completely.

"Are you okay?" He asks me.

"I think so, overwhelmed a little bit. But at the same time, I'm like, happy? Like I'm kind of excited." I admit.

As worried as I am, I am happy, I am going to be a mother.

"But I am not excited for all this legal stuff." I tell him. "It's too much."

"It seems complicated." He replies.

"I am sure is, luckily my parents are dealing with most of it." I tell him.

I mean, I am barely eighteen, I would hope that I wouldn't have to deal with all this legal stuff alone.

And my grandpa is doing most of the work anyway.

"I am sure everything is going to be fine, in the end." He tells me.

"I know, I mean, there is so much to be terrified about, but I just need to look on the bright side, and as I said, I really am happy. Things are just going to be different, very different." I say to him.

"Parker." I say, knowing I am going to regret this.

I can't keep my mouth shut any longer than I already have.

"Yes?" He questions, clearly confused.

"I know that this timing is awful, and I am probably going to regret this." I start.

"What?" He asks me, rightfully confused.

"Parker, I like you, a lot, and I know that this timing is absolutely awful, but, I don't know." I say, losing my ability to properly talk. "I know that you probably don't feel the same, and I'm sure you don't now, considering the fact that I'm pregnant. But, I just-" I start to ramble.

"Estella." I get cut off. "Estella, I like you too, I have for so long, and nothing is going to change that." He tells me.

"Parker, you don't understand, it isn't just me anymore, it never will be, if you agree to be with me, you are getting my child too, you have to understand that." I tell him.

I don't care how much I like Parker, my child is always going to come before anything else.

"Estella, I know that, I am okay with that, I know that your child means everything to you and the second they are born nothing else will matter, and I am telling you that despite that, I want to be with you." He tells me, and I know he means it.

I know people would think I was insane if I were to start dating Parker, because of how recent all the Jacob drama happened, but its not like I had to get over him, I had been trying to escape him for years, I don't have any feeling to get over, I never had any there in the first place.

But Parker is a whole different story, I have liked Parker for so long, and I know that he cares, and I know that he is amazing.

I hug Parker as tightly as I can, never wanting to lose him.

And suddenly it seems like everything that happened doesn't even matter.

First update of the year!! I have somehow forgotten to update for the last 4 months.

I only have a few chapters left to write, but all my focus has moved to a new book, so oops.

But shoutout to Webkinz for getting me through quarantine.