Estella

Chapter 4

When I realize my brother is at soccer practice and my sister is at a friend's house, making me home alone with my parents, I decide it is time.

Time to tell them all that has happened.

Time to apologize.

"Mom, Dad, can I talk to you?" I ask them, already starting to cry.

"Of course. Is everything okay?" My mom asks me as the two of them sit on the couch and I sit on the chair right near them.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I am the worst daughter ever." I start, very dramatically.

"Estella, don't talk about yourself like that, you are not an awful daughter, we love you." My dad tells me.

"I have just shut you all out because I have things I didn't want to talk about. I chose to run away from you, rather than open up. I was afraid that if I was near you, then you would find out everything I have been hiding. I made the wrong decision. I'm sorry." I tell them, crying like crazy.

"Estella, what's going on?" My mom questions.

I haven't completely ignored them for all this time.

I still talk to them, we still spend time together as a family, I just try to not talk as much as I can.

"When Jacob first asked me to go on a date with him, he did it in front of everyone, so I felt I had to say yes. I tried to get out of it, but he made me go on that date with him. Then he made me go on another date with him. Then he forced me to be his girlfriend. And here we are, four years later. I don't like him. I never have, but I've been stuck with him for so long and I don't know how to get out of it." I admit to them.

"Estella, everything will be okay, we will get through this, we can help you, we can talk to him, and if it comes to it I can talk to my dad and-" My Mom starts.

"There's more." I interrupt. "I-" I start, unable to finish, I can't say it out loud.

I don't want my parents to pity me.

I don't want them to just see me as a victim of this horrific crime.

"I said no, but he-" I start, again unable to finish.

"Stell, you don't have to say it, it's okay." My dad tells me, obviously knowing what I was trying to say.

I can tell that he is just heartbroken over it.

My dad loves me more than anyone, and I know the thought of anyone even thinking of hurting me just makes him want to cry.

"I'm pregnant." I blurt out, not knowing what else to say, not knowing how else to tell them.

Both my parents looked shocked.

I can tell they don't know how to respond or what to do.

What can we do?

Jacob is going to find out and right when he does this child is dead.

"It's okay." My dad tells me, hugging me tightly.

"No it's not, you don't understand." I say to them.

"Estella, we will all help you through this whatever you want to do we will support you through everything, the choice is yours." My mom tells me.

"No, it's not. Nothing in my life has been my choice for four years. The second he finds out, he is going to drag me to an abortion clinic, and if that doesn't work I'm going to get pushed down a flight of stairs or something. I don't know what to do." I cry to them.

"Estella, what do you want?" My dad asks me.

"It doesn't matter what I want." I tell him.

"Yes it does, whatever you want we can do everything we can to make it happen. We can make it so he can never see you again, we can take you out of that school, we can get a restraining order, anything." My mom tells me.

"I want him to just disappear, I want him out of my life. I want to just raise my child myself and never see him again." I tell them.

"Do you want to take legal action?" My mom asks me.

"Not really, but I think we need to. I don't want him to just get away with everything he has done to me. And I really don't want him anywhere near me when I am carrying this child." I tell them, knowing that this is going to blow up really soon.

"Okay, is it alright if I talk to my dad about this? I'm sure he will be able to help here." My mom asks me.

I just nod.

I wish that we didn't know a lawyer.

I wish my grandparents didn't need to know about this.

If only I could have just hidden this from everyone.

"I'm not ready for this." I blurt out. "I'm barely eighteen. I'm not ready for a child." I admit to them.

"Estella, if you want we can look into adoption-" starts me mom.

"No, I'm not ready, but I'm still going to do this. I want to raise my child." I confirm.

I don't want a child who grows up thinking that their mother didn't love them enough to keep them.

"Is this why you never let us meet him?" My mom questions me.

"It's part of it." I explain.

"What's the other part then?" My dad asks me.

"Well, he is kind of racist." I admit to them.

"That's kind of a problem." My mom says. It's probably not best to have a racist boyfriend when you aren't white yourself.

"It's been this long, and he still thinks you are fully white?" My dad asks me.

I'm much darker than my dad, but if someone didn't really pay enough attention, I could look white, but just very tan.

I think I obviously look like I'm part black. My skin tone is kind of dark, I have dark hair and dark eyes.

I look just like a younger version of my mom, just a little whiter.

"I'm sorry." I repeat to them.

"Estella, you didn't do anything wrong, we will help you through this." My dad repeats.

At least they don't hate me.

I just woke up to find a 760 something say streak to be gone.

Well, he leaves me on open all the time and the streak almost dies at least once a week, so this was bound to happen.

I don't really care through, it's with someone who lives like 1,500 miles away that I haven't talked to since July of 2016, so like, he was kind of irrelevant anyway.

But that was still a long streak(but like, it was 100 days behind one I started a few weeks later because that's how much we Snapchatted).

Update: I asked Snapchat to restore it and they did

Also, last week my teacher had me staple these packets, and I did a really bad job, they were uneven and the packets kept getting stuck in the electric stapler.

So, everyone made fun of me for that.

And yesterday he asked me to staple more packets, and I was like, 'I'm not sure' because I did an awful job last time.

And he goes, 'what was it too much to handle?'

And this kid(the communist Trump supported actually, if you read my other books you know who he is, he is a frequent part of my school stories for obvious reasons), he goes, "Yes, it was too ouch for her to handle".

Like, gosh I was just stapling papers.

I told him no and he had Eddie do it.

Who then had a fake gun fight with a kid in the back? Like using their hands as guns?

We are all 17 and 18 I swear.