Estella

Chapter 2

He's going to kill it.

He is going to kill my child.

First, he forces me to do things I never wanted to do, resulting in this pregnancy.

Now he is going to force me to get an abortion.

I do not want an abortion.

If I am pregnant, I want to keep my child.

But this isn't my choice.

Nothing ever is my choice.

I want to give this child a life.

I do not care if I have to raise it myself.

I do not care if every time I look at my child I will see him.

I want to keep my child.

I have already lost my friends, my family, my happiness.

I just want this one thing.

But he is going to kill the child the second he discovers that I am pregnant.

It doesn't matter that I am eighteen.

What I want doesn't matter.

I could just talk to my grandfather about this, he would know what to do.

But I can't tell anyone.

It's better that I keep it hidden for as long as I can.

I want to run to my mom and dad right now.

I want to tell them I am pregnant.

I want to tell them I am sorry for shutting them out.

I want to tell them why I have shut them out.

I want to admit that I am trapped in this relationship I never wanted to be in.

But I can't.

I can't tell them because I am terrified of what may happen next.

I don't want Jacob to hurt my family.

I won't even let them meet him.

He has trapped me in this relationship and he knows nothing about my family.

I cannot imagine his reaction when he finds out I'm not even white.

He doesn't even know that I'm not fully white.

He doesn't know my siblings are adopted and are not white.

Because why would I tell my racist boyfriend that?

And he certainly would not accept the fact that this child would be a full eighth black.

•    

I keep my head down as I walk through the hallway at school, hoping no one, especially not him, sees me.

I manage to make my way to my class without any interruptions and I take my seat.

A few seconds after I arrive the seat next to me is taken by the boy who sits there, Parker Madison.

Parker is really nice, although we don't talk much.

Before Jacob happened, I had always had a bit of a crush on him.

He has dark eyes that match his curly hair, his skin tone is rather close to my mother's, and he always seems to have a smile on his face.

He is nice.

He is actually a good person.

Sometimes I think I deserve someone like him.