True Colors of the World - Solby

Chapter 10

Colby's pov

We all stepped back into the cramped RV, Elton getting into the drivers seat, me in the passengers seat, and Corey and Sam in the 'kitchen' seats. We were supposed to drive to a new city with more attractions. It wasn't too far, but it still would take us a few hours to drive there. Sam and Corey felt uncomfortable driving so it was left to Elton and I, constantly switching seats when one of us got tired.

   "Alright, everyone ready to start the perilous journey?" Elton said, trying to sound excited, even if he was already a bit tired. Corey and Sam both smiled and nodded, I attempted to smile and nod along. In reality, I just wanted to go home. I don't know why, but I just want to lock myself in my room and never come out. Not for food or water, I would probably kill myself like that but surprisingly I was fine with the thought of that. Elton eventually started driving down the long road to our next destination. I had gotten comfortable in my seat and tried to doze off, hopefully I would get more energy to keep driving so Elton could rest. I closed my eyes and crossed my arms, but I couldn't fall asleep for the life of me. Every time I shut my eyes all I see is him. The small blond that I can't get out of my mind. He's everywhere, but instead of love In his eyes, all I see is hate. He never loved me, he probably just pitied me. I quickly opened my eyes and let go of the breath I didn't know I was holding.

   "You ok Colby?" Elton piped in.

   "Yeah I'm fine, just some stupid nightmare." I replied, hoping it would get him off my back for a while. He just nodded and put his full focus back on the road. I carefully watched him for a few minutes, constantly watching him yawn and rub his eyes. He was obviously getting tired and he was trying to fight it. I needed to do one thing before I switched and started driving.

   "I'm taking a small bathroom break and then we can switch. Pull over whenever you want and head to bed. I'll start driving when I'm done." I said, getting up out of my seat and stretching in the process. Elton tiredly nodded and started looking for a rest stop or just some place safe to pull the RV to the side of the road. I walked out of the front area of the RV into the sleeping/living area of the RV. The lights were now all shut off and the small room was almost pitch black. I used the flashlight on my phone and saw that Sam was passed out in our bed. I flashed my flashlight around the room and saw Corey slowly drifting off to sleep, or at least trying to fight it off. I laughed a bit and put my phone down on the table. I quietly walked over to Corey and covered him up with the fluffy blanket around his feet and made sure he was comfy. I watched as his eyes finally closed fully and small snores came from him.

   I walked away from the sleeping man and immediately made my way over to my bag. I checked around me and grabbed my knife from my bag. I heard movement from behind me and quickly slipped my knife in my pocket, rushing over to the small bathroom. I stepped into the room and shut the sliding door, fidgeting around with the lock until I thought it was locked. I sat on the toilet seat and pulled the blade out of my pocket. I rolled up my sleeves and scanned over the scarred skin. The only spot I've left clean is the area around my mark. I don't know why, but it hurts so much worse, not physical pain, but emotional, like I'm fully killing our bond. Even after all that has happened, I'm still scared to break that. There was no more room on my arms. I rolled my sleeves back down, slowly lifting my shirt, revealing my awful stomach. I was too fat, it looked so ugly. I stood up and looked in the small mirror at myself. I glared and started making small cuts, progressively getting bigger. I cut from my waistline all the way to my ribs. Tears starting spilling and I couldn't stop them. Quiet sobs escaped my lips and I didn't realize how loud they actually were.

   As I was about to make another cut, the door started to quickly open. I snapped my head to look at the door and as fast as I possibly could, I dropped my shirt to hide the damage that had already been done. The door fully opened and there stood a very tired Corey. I did what I could to hide the knife in my sleeve, but I already knew Corey had seen it. He started to open his mouth to speak, but I couldn't let anyone else know. I grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him in the bathroom, quietly closing the door after he was inside. He sat down on the toilet and scanned the small room, I watched as his eyes widened at the small drops of blood on the floor.

   "Colbs... What have you done?" He whispered. I just looked down, he stood up and grabbed my wrists, trying to pull me closer to him. I winced as the fabric moved over the newer cuts, the ones to finish up the clean canvas on my wrists. His eyes widened even more and tears pricked his eyes.

   "You didn't..." He said, not wanting to believe what he thought. More tears started falling from my eyes and all I could do was look down. He started rolling up my sleeves and I did nothing to stop him. I listened to him gasp and I felt his tears fall on my scarred skin. He gently held my wrists, looking at the battle field on my arms.

   "Why would you do this to yourself?!" He quietly questioned.

   "For being me.. For not being good enough for what should have been my soul mate.. For ruining all of your lives.. There's too many reasons to say. I'd kill myself just trying to list them all.." I said, giving up on even trying to fake my happiness to him. He just looked at me, not able to stop his tears, holding my arms to his chest, hoping that this was all a dream.

   "What else have you done to yourself..?" He quietly asked. I didn't say a word, just lifted my shirt, exposing my bleeding scars, and my very prominent ribs, still too chubby for me. He covered his mouth with his hands, not trusting his words, letting his tears fall harder than before.

   "Please.. You can't tell anyone else about this! It would break everyone apart. I've already messed up by letting you see.." I said, hoping to god that he would just forget that any of this existed. He looked hesitant, but he nodded and hugged me. I quickly hugged back and cried into his shoulder.

   "I'm here if you need me ok.? Even if you're doing this. Just come to me and I'll do what I can to help you." Corey whispered. I nodded and hugged him tighter. We let go of each other and I fixed myself up slightly. Corey went back to his bed and drifted back to sleep. I slipped the blade back into my bag and felt the entire RV stop. Elton walked back to the living area and pat me on the back. I stepped up the drivers seat and sat down, getting ready for a very long drive.

   "Goodnight Elton, see you in a few hours." I said, just loud enough for him to hear. I heard his mumble something in response, I think he said goodnight back, but I can't tell. I started driving farther down the road, ready for a long night ahead of me, and an even longer trip than I ever expected.