Had to be Dyson

Chapter- 17

Gosh, I’m such an idiot!

I totally and completely overreacted and now he’s probably mad at me. Way to go, Tyler. I thought sarcastically as I angrily strummed against the poor, helpless guitar.

So what if he doesn’t want to tell me something, that’s not my decision. It’s his. He’s probably just not ready to tell me whatever he was talking about and it isn’t that big of a deal. Sure, my curiosity was eating at my insides, but that’s not important. I just messed us up… big time. And that was important.

So he has secrets… or a secret… or just something he doesn’t want to talk about. So what? I have secrets and things I don’t want to talk about, too.

After about two hours after I stormed away from him, I had come to this conclusion as I strummed away at a more expensive guitar so it could stand up to my angry abuse. It only took me about the first twenty minutes of those two hours to realize that I was being stupid and overreacting. Meaning I’ve been sitting in the music room for an hour and forty minutes just beating myself up about what happened and replaying it in my mind.

I keep trying to talk myself into going to find Dyson and to make this okay, but I just can’t get my feet to move myself through the mall to wherever Dyson was hiding. I wasn’t that brave. I couldn’t do it.

At the three hour mark, the pain in my stomach was becoming overwhelming as the pain of guilt and hunger were swirling together in one big knot. I sat down the guitar and decided that I should probably go eat, and hopefully I won’t run into Dyson.

The only place that I knew the food wouldn’t be poisoned with mold Lord knows how old, was Panera which was pretty close to the music store so I slowly and cautiously made my way down the frozen hallway towards the small restaurant. My soft slippers padded down the eerily silent mall when I finally spotted the warm browns that the decorators drenched the Panera Bread in. When I stepped inside of the place, I was relieved to see that I was alone and Dyson was nowhere in sight. I was surprised, however, to feel a little bit of disappointment at him not being here because for the past few hours, I have been the loneliest I have felt in a long time. I just wanted to feel the warmth of his arms around me once again. I would have apologized right on the spot if he was in that restaurant because I just desperately wanted to hear his voice. Of course, I have way too much pride and dignity to ever admit that. Ever. But I could admit it to myself at least.

I found another baguette and sliced up half of it before placing it on the plate that we used earlier and then I sat at the table that we had sat at earlier.

I felt a frozen tear fall down my face at the memory of this morning of us laughing and having a good time in here and then what we did on this table. Unable to handle the memories of just a few hours ago, I grabbed the plate and moved to another small table across the small room.

I slowly ate the cold, nearly stale bread, trying to keep my mind off of you know who but it failed miserably because every time I tried to think of something else, he would somehow pop up in my thoughts and it was aggravating. Nothing I could think of could take my mind off of you know who or the fight we had this morning. And the more I thought about it, the worse I felt about everything. Gosh, it felt like we’d been in a fight for weeks, I’d felt so bad about it. Empty, guilty, and alone. I don’t know how people did this all the time and it’s only been a few hours!

By the time that I finished my stiff bread slices, I’d had enough of it. I nearly threw my plate into the deserted sink and stomped into the numbing cold of the unforgiving mall. I was very determined to find you know who because this time, it was my turn to apologize first. I couldn’t take this whole alone thing anymore and I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight without making this alright.