Hold My Girl

Chapter 25

"Well this is nice" Allison smiled over the top of her wine glass.

"It is, isn't it" I mused as my eyes scanned the bar for the umpteenth time. You know the feeling of being watched? Yeah, I had that but every time I looked around there seemed to be nobody paying me any attention.

When Allison had begged me for a night out Harry had all but pushed me out the door, telling me I deserved a break and he'd cope just fine on his own, for one night. So I'd pumped like a milking machine for the last few days to make sure Harry had plenty of milk in the fridge and I found myself in a trendy bar in North London, sipping a crisp white wine while Allison talked my ear off like she hadn't just visited Avery and I at Harry's a couple of days ago.

I had already finished my first glass of wine and I had given myself a 2 glass limit because of the breastfeeding and this was the first time I'd drank in almost 11 months and I didn't want to get inebriated. Heaven knows what Harry would say if I came home completely legless and the media would have a field day. If they saw me. I wasn't convinced people would even know who I was if I wasn't with Harry. Harry on the other hand was sure they would. I was surprised he hadn't given me a lecture before I left on how to behave when under public scrutiny. Or worse, made Jeff do it. He'd simply told me to 'be mindful' whatever the fuck that meant.

The bar was busy for a Wednesday evening but it had a cool vibe. The walls were a dark cream and the bar and the tables were a deep mahogany which gave it a cosy vibe. Allison had found us a table in a booth in the corner giving us a clear view of the rest of the room. The clientele were mostly business men and woman, in for a drink on their way home from work or friends, like us, meeting for a catch up. I felt like I fitted in with my plum pencil skirt, admittedly I was wearing a Blondie T-shirt that belonged to Harry , but I felt it looked like more of a fashion statement than me pulling the first clean T-shirt out of the pile of ironing I'd done that afternoon.

Despite how much I loved my daughter and as much as I adored my new role as her mother it was nice to get out of the house. Although Harry had been around constantly for the last few weeks it was nice to have some adult conversation that didn't involve sore boobs and baby poo. Who knew my life would turn into lengthy discussions on the colour of poo.

"So tell me, now that Harry isn't here to overhear: what's it really like living with the delicious Harry Styles?" Leaning in close to the table Allison grinned her megawatt smile as a blush crept over my cheeks. Her blonde hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail, like she'd just rolled out of bed but her crisp white shirt, black skinny jeans and heels gave her the effortlessly classy look she always seemed to exude.

"Probably the same as living with Michael" I shrugged. Allison had moved in to Michael's place only 3 months ago and she was loving every minute of it.

"He's a man, he needs to learn to pick his socks up off the floor and close the toilet seat" I dragged my finger through the condensation that has gathered on the wine glass, suddenly, talking about Harry, made me miss him like crazy and I'd only been away from his for a couple of hours. I wish he was here.

Allison laughed at my pathetic answer that I knew wasn't the real answer she was looking for, I didn't know if I wanted to give her the real answer. "Yeah, but how are things between the two of you. Have things progressed any?"

I took a deep sigh. "Not really. I mean, before Avery was born I thought there was... potential? For something to happen between us, again, but now she's here.... I don't know"

"You're being cock-blocked by your own baby. I get it" Allison laughed

"No! It's not like that" I giggled, the wine was clearly going to my head. My cheeks felt warm and my gums were starting to feel numb. "There's no cock to be blocking" I stage whispered across the table. "I don't know, it's like he doesn't see me in that light anymore. To be fair he has seen me at my worst since Ave's been born, I wouldn't be surprised if he's gone off me. Not that he was ever on me, ye know, he probably just felt sorry for me, or kissed me because I was there..." I trail off with a shrug vowing not to say any more on the matter. What an overshare.