Hold My Girl

Chapter 21

"Harry, I don't think I can" I tugged on his hand as we slowly followed Nurse Okafor along a sterile, white corridor. My footsteps feel heavy as I grind to a halt on the plush, grey carpet. I want to will myself forward. I don't want to be the mother that's scared to see her own child. But I'm paralysed with fear.

I'm startled by the concern in Harry's eyes as he turns to look at me, my hand still in his. "What's wrong?" His voice is gentle and quiet which makes it sound more gravely than usual. He takes a step towards me, my fingers still laced with his, so he can keep our conversation quiet. There are very few other people in the corridor leading towards the Neonatal unit but I'd rather no one could overhear us.

"I don't think I can see her if she's all hooked up to machines and struggling to breath or..." The familiar choking feeling stops me from saying any more as I furiously try and blink away the threatening tears. Harry wraps an arm around my back and pulls me into him. I take a deep inhale of his familiar scent. I close my eyes and just let my senses be overwhelmed with him. I can feel his hard chest pressed up against my own, the warmth of his body and the feel of his soft cotton T-shirt.

"I know that it's scary Nora. I'm shitting myself" He whispers in my ear. "But we have to be strong for her. Me and you, were all she has right now, she doesn't even have a name yet" His warm breath tickles my ear as he chuckles softly. "She needs us to be strong for her."

Knowing Harry has his shit together is the only thing keeping me from losing mine right now. I struggle to control the fear that's creeping up inside of me, threatening to pull me under. Harry drops my hand and wraps both his arms around me, pressing me tightly against him. I shiver as one hand comes up to the nape of my neck. Cradling me.

"It won't be long till you can take her home and have her where she belongs but right now we have to do this horrible scary thing. We just have to get through this Nora" He whispers as he presses his cheek on top of my head. I'm surrounded by him.

"We can take her home" I correct him quietly as I remember, in this craziness, I still haven't told him about living with him. Suddenly I'm
Nervous to tell him. I still, waiting for his reaction.

"Hmmm?" He asks casually as if he just misheard me.

"We can take her home, to your house" I clarify. "We're coming home with you. Our bags are all packed, I was going to tell you tonight, but then all this happened" I looked up into his green eyes that were were red and stinging with unshed tears.

"You gave me my baby girl and tell me you're moving in with me all in the same day?" He asks astonished.

"You're Harry Styles, I don't think this is even in the your top ten best days" I blink and look away.

"It's number one without a doubt" his hand reaches under my chin to pull my gaze back to his and slowly his lips meet mine. This kiss isn't the same as his usual friendly, reassuring ones. I catch my breath as Harry's lips start to move against mine and my own follow along. The kiss only lasts seconds but by the time he pulls away I feel dizzy and light headed. I'm sure he must be able to hear my heart beating out of my chest. And for a second the fear has gone. If that was his plan then it worked. He's made me feel strong, if only for a second, it's got my feet moving.

"Let's go and see our baby"

Thankfully this corridor is quiet. My worry since I stepped out of the comfort of my private room is that Harry gets noticed. The minute someone recognises him and tells the media or the internet it's game over. This modicum of privacy that we're afforded right now, this bubble were in while were inside this hospital will be burst and suddenly we'll have the media hounding us for images of Harry Styles first born child. I can only imagine Harry will want to keep it a secret for as long as he can and while she's so small and delicate, I don't want the world to know yet.