On With The Show

Say Goodbye

December 2013

Lindsey watched as she hurried along the hallway, obviously heading to her dressing room. But the way she was moving might imply that she was actually fleeing from something. Most likely him. Deciding to make sure she was going to be fine, he followed her. But when he came to her dressing room, he found the door locked.

"Stevie?" He knocked on the door.

Inside the woman in question froze where she sat on the floor. The moment she had known she was alone and no one would see her letting go of the control she had been able to maintain over her emotions, she had slid down against the wall, right next to the door and stayed there, crying. But hearing his voice, she shook her head. She couldn't deal with this, not now, not anytime soon. But she knew she had to, after all they had two more shows to play.

"Give me a moment, okay?" Stevie called out.

She stayed where she was for a few more seconds before she slowly got up and went over to her vanity. Thinking to herself that she looked horrible, her make up showing the traces of her tears only too well, despite being waterproof. She reached out and tried to look less as if she had lost it completely, removing most of her eye make up. Only then she got up again and made her way to the door.

"Hey." She said, opening the door. "I'm sorry, I just..."

"You're okay?" Lindsey interrupted her.

He stepped into the room and noticed as she wasn't closing the door immediately, but kept it open for way longer as usual. It was as if she didn't want to be alone with him at the moment.

"I'm gonna be." She tried to brush his concern off. "You know me. I tear up, but I'll catch myself again."

"I'm sorry." He said without thinking about it.

"For what?" Stevie frowned at him. "There's no need to apologize. It was... I was just taken by surprise, that's all. It's not as if you dedicate a song to me any other day."

He kept his silence for a while, thinking about her words. And Lindsey found himself wondering if he had actually dedicated a song to her before. But he couldn't remember if.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes." She nodded. "Now, could you please... I'd like to be alone for a little while."

But feeling his eyes one her, made her tear up again. And once more in her life she damned this man, his eyes, and the way that if he chose to, knew exactly when she didn't feel god.

"Stevie, what?" Lindsey watched her, having a feeling that there was more than she was telling him. "What is this really about?"

"Leave, please." She pleaded with him now. "Lindsey please, I can't... I just can't deal with it now."

"Deal with what?"

"You." Stevie whispered and then brought her hands up to her mouth, knowing that she wouldn't be able to get him out of her dressing room anytime soon now. "Damn it."

"I thought we were finally getting along again?" He asked, still surprised and slightly shocked over her answer. "That we actually were something like friends."

"It's not that way." She sighed and moved to sit down on her couch.

She didn't know what to do. On one side, she knew that only the truth would make him leave, but on the other side, she couldn't do that, couldn't tell him why this dedication, these few words had made her nearly break down in front of thousands of people.

"Then tell me." Lindsey came to sit down next to her.

He tried to take her in his arm, but felt her stiffening, and then winding herself out of his hold.

"I meant what I said, earlier." She whispered, looking down and hiding behind her hair once more this night. "When introduced Without You. I really meant it."

"You meant what?" He asked.

"That I love you." Her voice was a mere whisper.

"Stevie, I lov..." He tried to talk, but was silenced by a shaking of her head.

"No, Lindsey." Stevie looked back up at him. "Not like this. I feel as if it's 1965 all over again, and I... please, Lindsey, please leave me alone for now. I don't want to say or do anything I'll regret terribly tomorrow. Please, just go."

He did what she had asked him to, knowing that if he didn't, her mood would change and she would scream. But he didn't leave without a kiss on her hair as he held her close to him. What he kept to himself was that not only she had meant what she had said on stage, casually, but that he had meant it as well.