On With The Show

Sad Angel

Time: Recording Session 2012

She sat in his studio, leaning back in her chair, headphones on and just stared at nothing in particular. She didn't even notice that the song had ended some time ago and Lindsey was staring at her. He waited for her to say something, anything.  That she liked the song, even that she hated it. But he would rather have her screaming at him that he had gone completely mental than staring blankly at the wall. It reminded him too much about twenty something years ago.

"Stevie?" He finally addressed her.

But she didn't react. She was still too caught up in the song, the lyrics to be exact. He had already told her that the songs he had written nearly a year ago were about her. But that he had written about this, she would have never guessed.

"You're still with me?" Lindsey had reached out, unknown to her taking the headphones off of her head.

She tilted her head up, now a look in her eyes that he couldn't place.

"You wrote about that?" She asked, staring up.

"Nobody will ever know." He reassured her. "As long as we don't say anything..."

"Still, you..." Stevie bit her lip, looking away.

"We don't have to choose this one." He suggested.

"No." She shook her head, trying to get out of the state of mind she was still in. "I really like it."

"Then what's going on in your head?" Lindsey wanted to know.

"It just brought everything back up, somehow." She whispered, resting her head against the back of the chair. "It still hurts."

"It'll stop some day."

"Will it really?"

"Not completely."

She didn't reply for a long time. He reached out for her hand at some point and without thinking she laced her fingers with his. If anybody were to come into the studio now, they would walk into an odd situation. The room was quiet, they didn't speak, didn't even attempt to do so. They just sat there, holding hands. It could have been minutes or hours when one of them broke the silence.

"Lindsey?" Stevie asked after some time.

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry."

What followed next surprised him. She talked for an hour straight. Talked about everything that had happened after they had broken up, sometimes even about things that had happened during their relationship or before. She told him about all the things they had left unaddressed for decades. Told him, she was sorry that she hadn't told him before, that maybe if she hadn't been so stubborn things could have worked out between them, at some point. What surprised Lindsey the most was that she placed blame on herself, saying that especially after their break up she had deliberately tried to make him blow up on her at times, just so that she didn't have to confess that she had made a mistake. She was unbelievably sorry for that now.

Sometime during her monolog they had turned, brought the chairs closer together. Stevie had his hands in hers, while they rested in his lap. About an hour later they were still in the same position, only that they both had apologized now.

"I should have trusted you." He said.

"Maybe it was better you didn't." Stevie sighed, pausing for a moment. "I..."

"I know." He stopped her.

"I guess you were right to write that damn line." She resigned.

"Why did you think I wrote it?" Lindsey asked. "It wasn't just some wild assumption."