Chapter Twelve
Diana's P.O.V 2012
I feel so empty. My stomach growls loudly as I stare at the plate of food before me. My mother made a special dinner for all of us of mashed potatoes and roast beef along with a whole wheat roll. Instantly, I add up the calories of the fattening food to three hundred sixty-two. Three hundred sixty-two calories I do not need, not if I want to be beautiful. However, I know I must eat. My mother knows I have not eaten dinner the past two days because of a so-called 'stomach ache'. Surely, if I do not eat now, she will suspect something.
I do the unthinkable. With a trembling hand, I grip the fork in my tiny hands and cut off a slice of the roast beef. As the fat nears my mouth, my stomach flips and screams in protest. I try to ignore the shouting as I place the piece of meat on my tongue. I swear, I can taste every disgusting and caloric particle. It sits like lead on my dry tongue and I must force myself to swallow it.
I catch my mother's eyes on me. I send her a false smile of reassurance and continue on my trek through this massive plate of food. Setting down the fork, I inhale deeply and reach for the spoon. Carefully, I scoop up mashed potatoes, trying to get as little on the utensil as possible. I can't find it in me to place it in my mouth. Potatoes are all starches and starches turn into sugar. After that, sugar turns into fat and I definitely do not need anymore of that.
Closing my eyes, I allow the poison to reach my taste buds. I let the potatoes dissolve in my mouth. I read that if you eat slowly to the point of food breakdown then the calories of the food will decrease. I'm not sure if it is entirely true but in this situation, anything is worth a try.
"Diana,"
A voice breaks into my thoughts and I look up to meet my father's eyes. His face is crinkled in observation, the folds of age evident across his forehead. "Are you alright?" He finishes, returning back to his roast. I lie without guilt.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I just have a sore throat and it's hard to swallow."
My father nods in understanding and pries no more. I nearly exhale in relief but I contain myself. I still have a whole plate of food to finish.
*****
After dinner, I feel uncomfortably full. My stomach protrudes even more than normal and I catch my family staring at me multiple times. Something inside me says they can see every ounce of food I just ate. "I'm going to go for a walk," I announce, knowing no one will deny me the right. All of them know I need to lose weight. A walk will do me well.
As soon as I step foot out of my house, the moisture in the air clings to my skin. Almost instantaneously, it's difficult to breathe. Barefoot, I pad along down my driveway, turning onto the gravel road. Luis always laughs at me for it. He swears up and down that one day I'll step on a rock and it'll go straight through my foot. I don't listen, though. My feet never fail.
The Floridian air blows gently through my long hair. I try to brush it out of my eyes, but the wind likes to play games. "Diana!" A familiar voice shouts and I turn my back to find Luis standing at the door of his house. I send him a slight smile, attempting to conceal how happy I am to see him. "How are you?" He asks as he jogs up to me and wraps me in a hug. I don't answer him. His skin is cold and it feels amazing against mine.
I realize how short I am compared to him. I have always been aware of my slight height issue but I haven't noticed how drastically until now. My head barely reaches his chest and his large hands swallow the majority of my back. I'm so small.
Not small enough.
"What are you doing?" He questions with a smile.
"Going for a walk."
"May I join?" He asks.
I nod and we begin walking down the street together. My street is so quiet. Luis and I are the only teenagers on the street so there aren't that many people to hang out with. I guess that is one reason why we are so close. Loneliness can bring people together.
"You've lost a lot of weight, Diana." Luis speaks suddenly, kicking gravel along with each step. I smirk to myself. He had noticed me.
"Yeah, I've just been working out a lot." I lie through my teeth with ease.
"You know that isn't the truth," he rebuttals and I stop walking. My heart races in my chest and sweat starts to puddle in my hands.
"What do you mean?" I question dumbly.
"Don't play stupid, Diana!" Luis snaps and turns on his heel facing me. "You haven't been eating and it isn't healthy. You need to start eating again or else you're going to get sick!"
I refuse to act like I know what he's talking about and fold my arms across my chest. "I am eating, Luis." He shoots me a look of reprimand. Of course, he would know I'm lying. We've been best friends for years. He knows almost everything about me.
"Why aren't you eating, Diana? Is it what Howard says? Is someone at school hurting you? Why aren't you eating? I swear, if you tell me, I'll go down to that school and take care of them." He threatens, stepping closer to me and placing his hands on my shoulders. "Just tell me, why are you doing this to yourself?"
His eyes are full of genuine concern and they are locked with mine. A lump in my throat prevents me from swallowing and I lick my dry lips. It doesn't help. Suddenly, my mouth is moving.
"I need to be skinny, Luis. No one likes an ugly girl."
"But, you aren't ugly," he retorts.
"Don't lie to me," I answer, sending my eyes to the ground and breaking free from his grasp.
"You know that I don't lie."
I know that he doesn't lie. Luis is the most honest person in the world. However, he has to be lying now. I am not beautiful. I am ugly.
"Everyone lies, Luis: even you."
*Author's Note*
Hey everyone!
I'm so sorry it has been a while since I have uploaded! School has started back again and my schedule is packed! However, I still will try my best to update as frequently as possible. I cannot believe how dedicated you guys are to this and I can't express my gratitude enough! But, I really do want this story to blow up! I feel like so many young people need to know the truth about eating disorders and bullying and this can show them! So, please vote, comment, follow, and share this story with everyone you know! Maybe we could get this to 10K before the next upload? I love you guys so much! Thank you for everything!
By the way, I have a song for this chapter and its One Day by Kodaline. Idk I just love it.
-Shelby x
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Diana (Z.M.)
FanfictionDiana (noun) radiant; beautiful "How can you treat yourself like you're nothing? You're so much more than that." "That's the thing, I am worthless."
