Diana (Z.M.)

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Last Day

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Diana's P.O.V. 2012

      My heart pounds with excitement. Never have I ever been this excited for another school day. This time would be the last time I ever step foot into this God-forsaken school. It is finally time for new beginnings and a fresh start. Just the idea of not ever seeing Rachel's face again fills me with such glee it is indescribable. I feel like this smile will not leave my face. Even when I step foot in my English class with Rachel it does not disappear. For once in my life, it seems to be permanent.

       I sit down in my assigned seat next to Rachel and pull out my journal. My fingers skim over the leather cover. It's more worn than it was when I first received it. I've been writing a lot. It's weird but it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I can actually share my story with something and they cannot say anything negative back. They're forced to listen. For once in my life, I will be heard and I don't even have to physically raise my voice.

      Mr. Murphy bursts through the front of the room with his teaching bag tucked beneath his arm. He shoots a quick smile in the class' direction and sits up straight, adjusting the buttons on his flannel. "Good morning, everyone. As you all know, it's the last day of class and the lot of you will finally be moving on to high school. I know this can be exciting, scary, and possibly even a mixture of both. So, the final assignment for the semester will be a paper due by the end of class. I want you to address the topic of high school and how you feel about this transition. Include some memories of middle school that you're going to bring along with you and describe how you think that these lessons you have learned will impact your life."

      He finishes his speech and passes out two sheets of lined paper to every student in the classroom. Everyone begins writing right away, even Rachel who always procrastinates on her work. It seems that everyone is ready for the school day to be over. I follow suit and begin writing. There are many things I will take from this school. Hurt. Heartbreak. Pain. These three would follow me the rest of my life like dark clouds. I knew I wouldn't be able to escape it, even in high school. Regardless, things could possibly get better by then. Maybe I could even be down to the weight I wanted to. By then I could possibly be thin enough. However, these are all maybes. The only thing that is certain is right now and that's terrifying.

       The words spill out onto the paper quickly, similar to the way blood poured out of my opened scars. They both seem to have the same effect. Being able to cause my own pain and actually control it betters me. It makes me stronger. Paper is weak and flimsy. A blade is strong and cold.

      Mr. Murphy claps his hands together, bringing the class out of their writing trance. He goes around and collects them, placing them in a stack. He begins shuffling the papers and then picks out one randomly. He sets the rest down on his desk and then sits on it, crossing his legs at his ankles. "Alright, so this is, in fact, the last day of school; I think it would be good to share one of your writings to see what other people say throughout their middle school experience. Maybe it is similar to yours or maybe it is completely different."

      My heart drops into my stomach and bite my lips. I pray he doesn't pick mine. If he does pick mine, I hope he doesn't share who it is with the class. My heart rate picks up and my hands turn clammy. Mr. Murphy adjust the paper in his hands and begins reading. When I hear the first few words my mouth goes dry.

      "I am so relieved to be going to high school. I know there are going to be many more experiences. Hopefully, better ones than the ones I have acquired here. I know what I learned here is going to stick with me. I do not doubt this in the least bit. Here, I've learned that you cannot trust everyone. People lie and manipulate in order for you to do what they want you to. Once you no longer are willing to let these people take advantage of you, they leave you. They say you can trust them but you can only trust them when your existence benefits them. I have also learned that middle school is hell." He pauses here and his eyes scan over the paper before he continues. Mr. Murphy's eyebrows furrow as he continues reading.

      "School is full of kids who do not care about anyone but themselves. They have taught me that being compassionate and kind is rare in this world. I have learned that looks are the only things that matters. If you aren't the right height, weight, or even if you don't have the right type of voice, you are undesirable and disposable. Middle school has shown me pain, hurt, and heartbreak. I cannot remember the last good memory I've had from this place. This definitely will affect my future. It already has begun to affect me. However, high school is a new beginning. There are new people, different faces, and hopefully, a different me. What middle school has taught me is that I cannot be myself without being ridiculed. At least I am exposed to the real world now and not later."

      A silence settles over the classroom and I avert my eyes to look at my ridiculous uniform shoes. This class has never been so silent. I swear everyone can hear my heart beat in my chest. Mr. Murphy looks up with tears in his eyes. A voice finally breaks the silence. "Mr. Murphy, who wrote that?" It's Jordan and I pray that Mr. Murphy doesn't respond. Mr. Murphy remains quiet as if thinking it over and then clears his throat.

      "If this student decides to reveal who they are, they will. Until then, their identity belongs to their privacy." I exhale in relief and gather my things together, waiting for the final bell to ring. As expected, the sound goes off and everyone leaps out of their seats and race for the doors. I attempt to follow them, ready to leave this school for good.

      "Ms. Caldwell," Mr.Murphy calls my name and I know he wants to talk about my paper. Nervous, I approach him and stand next to his desk. By this time, we are the only two left in the classroom. "So, I must say that paper was different than any of the others I have ever read."

      I focus my eyes on the corner of the room and avoid looking at his face. Can't he just say what he wants to and get this over with?

      "Diana, I truly hope your high school experience is different than your middle school years. You deserve better." I nod my head and choke out a small, "Thank you" and take a slight step backwards towards the door. "You also have a gift, Diana. You can put your emotions into words in a way I've never seen anyone do. Hold onto that. You're going to change the world someday." I send him a small smile and open the classroom door. I toss my bag over my shoulder and sigh with relief as I step foot into the hallway. As I near the doors his words echo in my head. I laugh bitterly to myself.

      How can I change the world when I can't even save myself?

*Author's Note*

Hey everyone! I apologize for not updating like I was earlier this week but I had prom yesterday. I've never been before and it's my final year. I had a blast and it was much needed. I am so excited for this book and I already have everything planned out on how this book is going to end and even the prologue and everything. You guys are all so amazing and your support is ridiculous! I love you all so much for reading this and I hope you all had a great weekend! Remember to vote, comment, follow, and share! 

                                                         - Shelby x