“To truly love someone is to put their happiness before your own.”
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We spent the whole night in the hospital. The doctors kept coming outside and kept updating us about Zayd’s mother’s situation. They had done some tests and all came positive. Zayd’s mom had leukemia. Acute leukemia. It wasn’t as critical but doctors said they’re going to start the chemotherapy as soon as possible. Zaynah hadn’t stopped crying ever since the doctors had confirmed the news. Zayd informed his brother Zakriyyah on the phone and so now he was coming sooner than he was supposed to. All I kept thinking was… was this all really because of me? Was I really a curse? If I leave, will her leukemia suddenly cure itself? I was devastated at the news but the whole family still kept neglecting. Even Zayd wasn’t paying much attention to me. I felt like an outsider. It would have been better if I had stayed home.
At about 7:30 in the morning, after the fajr prayer and a little more time with their mom, Me, Zayd and Zaynah came back home. Asif and Zayd’s dad stayed behind. After getting back to our home, Zaynah put her daughter to bed and went and sat down in the living room. She was silently reciting the Quran when I entered. She stopped reciting and glared at me, her eyes red from crying.
“If you weren’t here, mom would’ve been ok. You’re a curse hamna. Get out!” she shouted at me.
“Zaynah this is all Allah’s will. Even if I wasn’t here, your mom would still have leukemia. This was all meant to be”, I tried to calm her down. Her eyes were filled with hatred. She would have eaten me alive if she could.
“Don’t lecture me about Allah’s will when you don’t have any fear of Him. This is all because of you. Don’t bring Allah’s will into this”, she snapped. I gasped.
“Zaynah don’t say that. Allah’s will is everywhere. Don’t turn your face away from reality”, I told her.
“I wish I could. You’re a curse. Accept it and get out!” she shouted. I kept standing.
“Leave! Didn’t you hear me? Get out!” she shouted again. With tears in my eyes, I exited the living room. I went and sat down in the backyard. It was cold outside but that didn’t bother me. My life was a mess at the moment.
“Hamna what are you doing out here?” Zayd asked. I didn’t look at him.
“Nothing”, I replied.
“Then come inside and go to sleep. We’ve got a hectic day today”, he said. I remained silent.
“Hamna?” he said again.
“Yeah?” I asked.
“Come in”, he told me.
I shook my head. “No”, I replied.
“What do you mean no? Come inside”, he said as he walked up to me.
“Life is meaningless Zayd”, I said, lost in my thoughts.
“What?” He asked.
I laughed. “Life is meaningless”, I got up.
“You sound crazy”, he replied.
“Maybe because I am crazy”, I walked past him and went up in my room. After washing my face, I layed down and soon enough, I fell asleep. I know I sounded crazy but I didn’t know how to react anymore. I couldn’t cry all the time. I guess I just needed to be patient and control my emotions. The only possible and best way I had in mind at the moment.
In the afternoon, Zayd and Zaynah left for the hospital while I stayed behind. I decided to get some work done and rest a bit.
A few moments later there was someone on the door. I put my hijab on and opened the door. It was Joshua. I gulped. With nervousness running through my whole body, I closed the door but Joshua’s strong hand stopped the door from completely closing. He opened it again and walked inside. He locked the door behind him. He walked towards me as I backed up on the wall.
YOU ARE READING
Pure At Heart
Spiritual"Verily, with every hardship comes ease." In the bustling city of new york, settling in for Hamna and her family was a big task. Still struggling from her past, the 18-year-old Hamna wasn't ready to start a whole new chapter in another city. But a...
