Blinded

Blinded by Love & Fear

One Week Before

My names Princess I'm 16 and have a 1 year old baby boy named Izaiah. I live with my boyfriend Smokey in an apartment here in Miami. My dad left me when I was 3 years old and my mom kicked me out when she found out I was pregnant. Smokey wasn't going to let me live with him at first but then got use to the idea of being a family. He told me to live with him and he would help me with the baby. I believe him. This isn't the life that I was expecting to live. My life turned with one sudden movement. I'm sitting alone taking care of Izaiah while Smokey's out with his friends.

I sat on the floor rocking Izaiah to sleep. It was already 10 O'clock at night and Smokey was still not in bed. I figure he had left again. I lay Izaiah down in his crib hoping he won't wake up and start crying. as I was dozing off into my dream I hear voices outside the room. I tiptoe to the door and I open it just enough to see who is outside. I peer out and I see Smokey handing a girl a small bag. They hug goodbye. I run back into bed try to pretend I didn't see anything. I heard the front door close and Smokey walks into the room. He kisses my cheek and says "goodnight beautiful" as he gets settled in bed and puts his arms around my waist. I smile because he never forgets to tell me I am beautiful even if it's late, and he hasn't seen me all day.

I get woken up when Izaiah starts crying. I pick him up and walk towards the kitchen. I see Smokey sitting with his friend Spider watching TV eating breakfast. As I sit Izaiah down on the swing I hear a knock at the front door. Smokey doesn't get up so I go and open it.

"Surprise!" screams my home girl Yvette.

We have been good friends ever since I got in a fight two years ago because of a girl that wanted to be with Smokey and was hitting up on him. I won that fight and I also won my boo Smokey so it all worked out. Yvette was the type of girl that stays out of trouble but would have her friends back. Yvette doesn't talk crap and if she does she says it to the person's face. That's why we became such good friends. We walk to the kitchen and sit at the table while Izaiah finished his bottle.

"How has it been going." she asks

"Good trying to get through the day." I say

"How is it going with Smokey? Has it been working out?" she asks

I stay quiet for a while....

"Yeah, I can say it's going good. We aren't really together but when we are its good." I say

"How has it been going with you at your crib?" I asked

"It's crazy but hey I just want to come invite you out because girl you need some sun." I start laughing

"Ha well how about we go out tomorrow when I get some time to get ready and clean up the house a bit" she frowned

"Aww okay but we're better. I'll see you tomorrow." she says

She gives me a squeeze and kisses Izaiah on the forehead. I walk her to the door and Smokey stares at me I look away and close the door behind her.

I was watching TV as I noticed the door of the spare room was open. Smokey had left with some friends and still wasn't home. Frightened but curious I walk over to the door I open it only enough to see what was inside. My jaw drops as I shut the door close as fast as I could. Hopping it wasn't true what I had just seen. The image flashes in my head over and over there is so many piles. In that room in one corner was at least 24 guns resting on the wall I'm another corner were over 50 different kinds of knifes. There was a table with 6 chairs around it. On the table there were 7 razor blades and 3 scales. The floor is covered with packs of cocaine and marijuana. I kind of figured why he locks the door. I need to leave the house it was 6:00 in the afternoon but I get dress pack Izaiah's diaper bag and get him out of the play pin. I decide to go on a walk to the park just to get some fresh air. As I was sitting there three guys from far away are staring at me I get up to go and walk as fast as I can. When I get back home there are six boxes on the steps outside the front door it was under Smokey's name so I didn't touch them and just walk into the house and lay in bed with Izaiah.

The next morning there was a big bang on the front door Smokey was asleep and didn't hear it. As I walk to the door it flung open and hit me right in the face. It was. Spider. He saw me stumble to the floor and went to pick me up. "Sorry I didn't think you were going to be there" I get up and ignore Spider I go wake up Smokey. As I wake up Smokey I ask him about the boxes that are still outside on the steps. "Don't touch those boxes I'll get them later okay?!" I nod my head as he walks out the room. I get dressed to go with Yvette to the mall and out to eat we had a fun time catching up to bad she got a phone call to go to work. I miss hanging out with her but we made plans for next week. As I went home with Izaiah I notice outside the house was a car that was there when I left and the boxes still outside the house. I couldn't tell who was inside the car so I walk into the house Izaiah has a fever and won't stop crying but I give him some medicine to help him sleep.

I am worried all night I didn't hear Smokey come home and he didn't call me to let me know. When he gets home it's almost 3 in the morning. "Where have you been all day..." I ask "I been out but I have to leave okay if someone comes to the door and ask for me tell them you don't know where I am." I look at him for a while he packs up his stuff. He notices I am really sad and didn't want to talk. "Princess I'm sorry but I have to go" said Smokey " No, don't just leave me here all alone with Izaiah" " The police will be here looking for me soon I have to leave now" he kisses me and hugs me, kisses Izaiah's small forehead and we are all alone. Just me and Izaiah

As I lay in my bed I hear someone screaming at the door saying to open it I jump up and walk to the door. As I open it I get push down to the floor the FBI came in one girl asks me where Smokey is I say he didn't come home for two days already. I grab Izaiah and sit down on the living room floor. They broke the door open of the spare room they ask me if I knew the stuff was in there I lied and said not I wasn't allowed to go in there and it was always locked. They believe me and let me stay there to gather my belongings. After they take everything out and left I didn't have anything left to do. I had a home for a bit longer but Smokey never came back for me or called. Not food or money to pay the rent. I pack Izaiah's and my belongings and on my way out I take one more look around and close the door. I walk three blocks down from where I lived I knock on the door and while I wait I look down to my stomach I hadn't told Smokey I was one month pregnant with our next child I was planning on telling him the night he left. I look up and the door opens my mom comes out and hugs me while tears roll down my face. "I thought I had lost you forever" she tells me as she takes me and Izaiah into her home. She is the only person left to help me no matter what.

To Be Continued.....