My Night With Lucifer

IX - Bat Into Hell

I felt lonely... Empty even.

It felt like I had slept for days, but having the same dream over and over again. The same dream of the same blonde man, crouching over me and making me his in every sense of the word. Becoming one with me, sharing my soul as if we were one. It was a weird dream. It was everything that I wasn't. Everything that I stood for shattered in the dream, but I accepted my fate, knowing that I wanted him just as much as he needed me.

I did not open my eyes. Only allowed my hand to guide itself over the bed, feeling for him, half hoping that it wasn't a dream. That the pure love and passion I felt was more than just an illusion. That somewhere on the bed I would find the source to my total destruction and construction. The one that made me whole again and then left me to be broken by will, always longing for more, and not being happy with the memory that would last an eternity.

Finally I had to admit that he wasn't anywhere near. That the dream had finally ended and I had to open my eyes to face the real world. I didn't want to, but I had to. I needed to know if he had really been here. I remember a tale. A story from long ago. All I needed to do was push a button and hear his words all over again. Making sure that he had really been here. That he had really shown me what true love looks like.

I struggle to focus, not knowing where my glasses had gone. Not even knowing where my clothes were, but knowing that I could find it somewhere in the room, but even that did not matter. All that mattered was to hear his voice. To go back to the dream that was now the most important memory I would have to keep. They say that one moment in time has the power to change a person for the rest of their life. I never truly believed it. The way you think and feel was something that was shaped from the day you were born, and not just because of one stupid incident. Now I believed differently. I knew that one moment could shatter your world. One second could change your way of logic. And one taste of true passion could change the way that you view the world forever.

"Lucifer?" I didn't know why I said his name. I knew he was gone. I could not feel his presence anymore. All I could feel was my weak knees, like Jell-O ready to give way beneath me as I struggled towards the table we spend some of the most precious hours of my life.

I sat down on the chair and pulled the recorder toward me, pushing the play button and hearing a voice coming over loud and strong. A voice so sweet, it could melt even a heart made out of stone.

"God watched us. I knew he did. He wanted us all in one place, I could sense it even before Gabriel appeared in a light that shone brighter than the sun. He dimmed the light around the statue of Lilith, radiating himself to look as if he was the only true god. I think he might have done this because of how serious the news he had to deliver was, or maybe he just wanted to put himself in the spotlight. As I looked up to him I felt real hatred. If Lilith did not put her hand on my chest to keep me back I would have without a doubt leaped up into the sky, and tore him out of his light and killed him. Yes, I know, you should not kill the messenger, but in my eyes he was just as guilty as the one sending the message at this point in time. I felt like he was maybe even the one whispering things in God's ears. For so many years I tried to be everything for God, and here Gabriel was taking the place that I once wanted more than anything else in the world. It felt like a personal attack against me. I wanted to smash him into the ocean and allow the creatures inside to consume him. Still Lilith saved me. She did not allow me to commit a crime that would shatter my soul the way that hers was shattered thanks to a message that was brought to her by the same heavenly being ready to give another heart shattering message."

There was silence on the tape for a moment. I could hear a chair scrape on the ground. I guess that Lucifer must have stood up. And then I could hear steady breathing. Someone else and not Lucifer. Could it have been me? Sleeping so soundly that I could not hear Lucifer talking and telling his story? I felt cheated. I wanted to see him tell the story. I wanted to see his lips move and explain to me the questions I might have in between his words.