Chapter 15
Severance
When Angel woke up, she was in the dark, and she was alone. Gwen must’ve gone out to have some dinner. There was a sliver of light coming from the partition of the curtains, and deciding she could use some stretching, she went out into the balcony.
Unlike the balcony in the higher floors, the balcony of the first floor dorms looked like the front porch of a small house. It had a set of chairs and a table, and the one side of the balcony had a fence that you could open to gain direct access to the beach. It was a perfect place to relax, and the first floor dorms were the most sought out dorms in school, and a lucky handful got a hold of them, herself included.
However, if it were a different situation, she would’ve been laughing with her friends out in the balcony, being silly and getting told off by Gracie in the process because of being too noisy. But given what happened at the beach earlier…
What was it in the first place, anyway? Angel asked herself. I know it was a kiss, but… why is it that I feel that it’s more than just that?
And then she began looking back to their first week, and she kept on replaying the times they had together: That first date, then that day at the oceanarium, and then earlier at the beach. Sure there were hints: the nickname he gave her, then his frequent habit of holding her hand, and perhaps the highlight of it was when he came running to save her from the puffer fish, despite it being silly. And then there was the kiss. Up until he uttered the words that she refused to assume had negated all of his care towards her, she felt that there was something in it. She felt that it was so real that she had believed in that kiss. But when he did utter those words, everything else got blown away like fallen leaves.
She was so deep in her reveries that she hadn’t noticed that there was someone knocking on the door for several times now. Scolding herself, she went and answered it.
“Who is…” Angel didn’t finish what she was to say, for when she opened the door, there was Dawson, holding out what looked like a to-go bag of food.
“Hey,” was his greeting, and it sounded as awful as his broken expression. “Uh… I brought this for you…” he added monotonously, handing her the to-go bag.
“T-thanks…” Angel said, and she was about to close the door when his hand stopped it.
“Can we talk?” Dawson asked.
Angel didn’t know what to say. Whether or not to let him in, she wasn’t sure, for she was afraid of what the outcome might turn out to be.
“Um… sure,” Angel said with uncertainty. “Come… Come on in…”
Angel let him in, and turned on the lights as she did so. They went directly to the balcony, and Dawson went and took a seat opposite her. an awkward silence fell over them, and to avoid speaking, Angel took interest in rummaging inside the to-go bag, which contained a small container full of garden salad, and then another bigger container with about four pieces of ribs, and a can of soda.
“I… didn’t know what you would want,” Dawson said rather nervously. “So, I… uh… went with my gut and got a large helping of everything I thought tasted delicious…”
Angel didn’t respond, but just dug in to the food in silence. For a while, Angel saw Dawson watch her eat, and she became rather self conscious.
“Um… can you please stop staring at me?” Angel asked politely, but it came out rather fast that it sounded a bit harsh that made Dawson wince a bit.
“S-sorry…” Dawson apologized, looking away. “And… I’m sorry, too, about earlier…”
Here we go… Angel thought as she heard it. she put down the spoon and fork and stopped eating.
“Dawson, about that…” Angel began saying, but Dawson stopped her with a hand.
“Don’t… just… hear me out first,” Dawson said, looking frustrated, which is directed to him rather than her. “I’m sorry for what I did at the beach. I know I kissed you, and you must’ve felt something, for I felt it too, and I don’t know what it is, but…”
“But?” Angel hedged.
“I don’t know else what to think, except what I said after the kiss,” was all that Dawson said, and Angel, finding it quite disappointing, just remained silent and looked down on her feet.
“Angel, I —” Dawson was about to start again, but this time, Angel stopped him with a look.
“What are we doing, Dawson?” Angel asked him, trying not to blink, for the tears were starting to well up. “Honestly, you have a girlfriend, and apparently, I’m just a friend to you —”
“You are not just a friend, Angel!” Dawson said rather loudly out of impulse. “You are…”
“I am what?” Angel asked, her face getting hard. “What am I to you, Dawson?”
“I…”Dawson seemed lost for words. “I… really don’t know…”
Angel’s face fell, and her tears began falling one by one.
“You know, to be honest I thought I have a place inside your heart, even if I’m a just a friend to you,” Angel said in a defeated voice. “But now, I don’t know what to think anymore,” Angel then stood up and began to leave, but Dawson grabbed her hand gently and stopped her.
“It’s not that, Angel… It’s not that…” was all that Dawson can say, his voice faltering.
Don’t look at him… she said again and again as she willed herself not to look. Don’t look at him or else…
“Don’t ever talk to me or try and see me,” Angel said with resolve. “Unless you know what place I hold inside your heart, then you should never go see me ever again.”
Dawson’s hand went lax and had let go of her hand.
“I see,” Dawson’s tone was cold. “Thanks for nothing,” he spat behind her as he exited by the gate of the balcony without a backward glance.
This… is for the best, right? was her thought before she the floodgates in her eyes broke.
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