To Be or Not to Be [boyxboy]

Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight (Tristian)

I scrubbed myself body so hard it turned red in the shower. I finally gave up and just sat down, letting the water hit my back as I sat there, staring at the wall.

I couldn't believe I just did that.

All of it, any of it. Why did I let that happen? Rex was right. I wasn't fighting hard enough. Maybe because I wanted to know what it was like. Maybe because my heart was still pounding like crazy. My body still ached, my head still spun, my lips tingled. I'd never felt like that before. All of it rushed in and hit me at once and I was so eager to feel more that I didn't stop to think of what I was doing.

I just had sex with another man. Not just any other man, but Rex. Some guy I met at my best friend's house a couple days ago. That wasn't long enough to form a relationship, was it? It was wrong.

So wrong! How could I do that? Did I even love Rex? I'm not sure. I'd never felt it before. I wanted to ask, but how stupid would it be to ask that? I'm old enough to know better. Right? I should know maybe sort of what it felt like?

I buried my face in my hands, cringing as the hot water slowly faded to cold. I didn't get out, though, and just let the cold water hit me like icy bullets as I sat there, debating whether to freeze to death in the shower or face Rex.

I reluctantly rose to my feet, shutting off the water and stepping out. I dried myself off, using the other door to get to my room where I changed into a pair of pajama pants and a long-sleeved Gir shirt that glowed in the dark. I stepped out of my room hesitantly, peering out to see Rex sitting on the sofa again. He was just watching TV, or at least, I think he was. He sorta looked depressed, which was a shocking thing to see after you've seen him so pushy and flamboyant.

God. What am I doing? I'm a man. I can face this no problem.

I took a deep breath and emerged from my room, making Rex look up for a moment.

"Uhm, how's the food?" I asked, not sitting down. Rex didn't look at me as he responded.

"Fine."

Was he mad at me? What did I do wrong?! Did I say something while we were having sex that pissed him off? I couldn't remember anything that I said. All I could remember was the physical part of it all. I grimaced, rubbing my lower back that still ached something awful. I wasn't about to sit down, so I just went to get a glass of water before coming back, holding one out to Rex, who took it and only had a little sip before setting it on the coffee table.

Was I not good enough? Was he disappointed? Oh God, why do I even care? That was a one time thing. It was never happening again.

"I'm sorry." I blinked and looked at Rex. He still wasn't looking at me, but he had just apologized and I was surprised.

"Sorry?" I asked. Rex shut the television off, but he still wouldn't look at me. Without thinking, I touched my bruise and wondered if that had anything to do with it, but Rex caught the movement and shook his head.

"No. I mean. I'm sorry for forcing you into that and being so sudden. Most of my relationships move very quickly, but they also end very quickly. I didn't mean to scare you or hurt you. I just really like you, Tristian, and unfortunately, I'm an impatient person. I just want you to admit that you like me back first." He explained calmly. I felt my cheeks get hot and I hated myself for the constant blushing. I did it even when there was no need.

"I said before that I don't know if I like you like that or not, Rex. I don't mean to be mean or nothin', I just..." My voice trailed. Rex tilted his head.