How Could You?

Chapter 2: A Fucking Understatement

Looking out at the river, a sigh escapes my lips. Listening to the music as I'd been walking around has definitely helped me to calm back down, but it doesn't make me feel any better.

I know I've let the girls down once again. This always happens nowadays. We have an interview, they pry to far with me, I explode and storm off before my temper completely gets the best of me.

I know they're tired of it. I'm not gonna lie. I am too. I guess it's just how life is sometimes though. My constant letting them down only matches the idiot that I am.

You'd think I'd have learned something or another by now. You'd think maybe by now, I'd have gotten over my past. Gotten over what happened five years ago. Gotten over the stupid mistakes I'd made those five years ago. That maybe my past would stop haunting me. That maybe I could learn how the fuck to sleep at night or at all. Learn how to be a better damned person so as to stop losing people and to stop letting people down.

I guess it's just another thing that I've failed at.

I laugh dryly, shaking my head at myself. Pushing myself away from the railing that keeps me back from the very edge of the bridge, I begin walking again. Soon enough, my feet bring me to a bar and a dry smile pulls at my lips.

Pulling my headphones down but not bothering to stop the music or turn the volume down, I go inside and head up to the bar counter. Ordering myself a drink, I just take a seat on one of the barstools there and turn in my seat to watch all of the already drunken idiots here.

The interview had been an evening one so I'm not surprised that by this point the bars fairly full. No more than a minute later, I'm given my drink which I down with ease.

I don't know how much time passes before I've gone through seven drinks. I sigh though, knowing I need to get going before I let myself have too much.

Paying my tab, I quickly exit the place and pull my headphones back on. It's dark out at this point, telling me that I'm out extremely late which comes as no surprise to anyone. As I walk, I check my phone to see that Manager Nim has texted and wants me to come into the office tomorrow morning at 9:30.

I just shrug it off, slipping the device back into my pocket as I keep walking. Shoving my hands into my pockets as I walk, I allow myself to wander aimlessly for a while longer to help avoid the sleep that's dying to overcome my body.

When I eventually wander back to our dorm, I still refuse the urge to sleep as I grab my laptop and notebook before heading to the table. The dorm is pretty small for a band of four but we make it work.

It's only got one bedroom, one bathroom that's not attached to the bedroom, and then the space that isn't in the bed or bathroom, is a small area that shouldn't be divided into a living space and kitchen area. It's big enough to be appropriately a kitchen area but it was split up for us. One couch with a small coffee table, a kitchen table that's on the smaller size of things, and a small cooking space.

I allowed the girls to take the bedroom without me. There's a small blowup mattress in the room directly next to the bed so that they've got enough room for the three of them to sleep comfortably together in there. It would've been too much for the four of us to share.

Sitting down at the table, I work for a few hours to try and get further on the album. Aside from getting our own album done, Manager Nim had wanted me to work on writing some songs for Saeron who's looking to release her own solo album, and then an album for myself.

Neither of us are looking to go solo, by any means. But I've been working on my own songs and raps for a while now and he'd thought it'd be a good idea for me to go ahead and actually release a few of my own solo albums. He'd also thought that we could possibly have the other girls release one or two of their own albums while we work on the band growth as well, seeing as they've got amazing voices.