Not Strong Enough

Confrontations

“How was it?”

That was what Josh asked me when I entered the room, without taking his eyes off the LED screen. He was busy playing some kind of video game.

“Great. Great.” I said, collapsing on the bed and watching him beat the crap out of the villain.

“Elaborate, Claire.” I could almost hear the annoyance in his voice.

“You are not even listening to me. I HATE talking to the walls.” I whined.

“I listen with my ears, not my eyes.”

I rolled my eyes, and told him everything in as short as possible, but he questioned every detail out of me anyway.

 He won the game, and started the next level.

I flipped over, trying to sleep.

“So…” said Josh.

“Hmm?” I muttered, already half asleep.

“You wanna tell me something?” he pressed.

I pretended I hadn’t heard him and tried going to sleep.

A toe nudged me in the stomach.

“Wake up! Sleepyhead!”

“Nooo” I groaned.

“Then should I cancel the appointment with a certain Alpha at 5?”

My eyes shot open automatically.

“Shit. I totally forgot.”

“What’s up between you and him?” Josh lunged to the right to save himself from a kick and then punched back.

“Nothing” I said in a small voice.

“Are you trying to lie to me?” he raised his voice in a theoretical, disbelieving manner.

I gave in. I opened my mouth but couldn’t quite form the words.

“Spit it out, Claire.”

“He’s my mate.” I said in a small voice.

Josh dropped the remote control and turned to face me, tripping in the mesh of wires, or some piuece of furniture in the process.

“What?” he shouted. Of all the things he might have expected, this was definitely not one of them.

I nodded gloomily.

“Explain.” He said monotonously.

I looked at the game, where the villain was beating and pounding furiously at Josh’s character, which stood paralyzed. Then, a single word flashed on the screen.

DEAD.

You lose.

Was it just my imagination, or was god really trying to tell me something?

“Oh. My. God.”

That was all Josh said when I finished narrating my sick, twisted love story to him.

“Let’s get this straight.” He said, after a minute, “He is your mate and you don’t want to accept him because you think that you would be failing in your duty as Alpha?”

“Yeah”, I shrugged.

“But you can’t do that. A mate’s bond is one of the strongest connections in nature; you really can’t resist it, especially if it’s once established. And you guys are Alphas. It has to be stronger, how far do you think you can take this?”

“My bond isn’t “established” as you call it. Whatever does it mean?” I replied.

“You have kissed him, right? So basically the connect, the bonding has already begun”

“But I was human then” I argued.

“Still, both of you felt it.” Then looking at my expression, he said, “you did Claire, don’t lie to yourself. You would never have kissed him otherwise, or let him kiss you, as you call it.” he glared at me, and I knew what he was saying was the truth.

I groaned inwardly.

“So?” he asked after a considerable pause.

“So what? “ I asked miserably. Every day, Gabriel found some way to make my day more miserable. And that was when he hardly even knew me. I couldn’t imagine what being his mate and living with him would be like. But just that thought gave me some pleasure, and a smile touched my lips, till I forcibly changed my expression back to a scowl.

“What do you plan to do now? He is coming at 5. Do you have your battle plans ready?”

“As in…?” I probed.

“One look in your eye and he would know all there is to know. Once he finds out, he’s obviously gonna pursue you, because no male Alpha with even an ounce of self respect just lets his mate walk away from him.”

“I know. I have avoided any kind of eye contact with him.”

“But do you plan to look at his feet or out the window throughout today’s meeting? It’s a high order meet and you are representing your pack. Do you know how politically incorrect that would be? Sure, it’s a sign of respect, but we can’t have our Alpha not even meeting his gaze. It would be awful. It would be like you are too cowardly to even meet his eyes- litrally.”

I looked down, appalled. I had never thought of this. I was caught between my own problems and the pack’s honor. Why? Why did I have to make this choice? If I looked at him, he would know I was his mate, and there would be hell to pay. But I couldn’t get by the meeting if I didn’t even look at him. We needed to talk as equals, and that left me little choice.

I.

Was.

So.

Dead.

Josh, being the true friend he was, sensed my anxiety and apprehension. He draped an arm around my shoulders, but it failed to calm me, like it normally would.

“Never fear when Todd’s here.” He said to me and winked.