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Step Thirty : Infatuation

Poem #4

Love…

Is one of those words people use to describe the minimal feelings for another

Love…

Is one of those feeling you don’t know until after you’ve experienced

It’s the feeling of allowing someone in

With the knowledge they can hurt you

But trusting them not too

It’s the feeling to put someone else before you

And it’s the feeling of trusting them with your deepest secret

Because at the end of the day

You trust them with your life

And without them, you worry there's not a you

I never felt love

But I have felt infatuation

And that’s close to love

It allows you to feel safe to a person

It allows you to have a feeling of suffocation when they’re not around

And you care about the person

But not more than yourself

You’re still your primary goal

But…I’m not sure

So I won’t lie

But I will say…

I have a strong infatuation with him.

 

Journal #5

            I can’t describe the feeling of us…together. I just know, it was better, and it felt…right. To have two bodies together is a beautiful thing that many people neglect. In fact, they over use it, to where it’s no longer beautiful.

            But we were beautiful. I would describe it as Bella and Edward, but one of them was dead. But it was mesmerizing. It took me to a world I never wanted to leave, but once I did…I was content with his arms just being wrapped around me for the night.

            This is what my first time should have felt like.

            But can’t this be considered a first time, too? Virginity is a sacred gift that you give to someone you feel deserves it. If it was taken forcibly, does that still imply? I mean, I never gave it to anyone, at least not knowing what it really meant. So did I still give it to him?

            A small part of me regrets it, because it feels like it was too soon. It feels like it should have waited, and been for different reasons.

            But the majority of me loved every second of it, and wouldn’t take it away for the world. That part…acknowledges it was soon, but also acknowledges that he was the right person to give it to.

            I don’t know. At least now I’m not afraid.

-DESIREE