Au Revoir

25 - Epilogue

(You can play the song while reading if you want.)

I opened the front door of my shared apartment and took my shoes off.

"Becky?  Dan?  Phil?"  After we all graduated, the 'squad' and I moved into a big apartment.  Besides Kyle.  Becky and him broke up after she found out he was cheating. 

No one was home like I expected, so I decided I'd finally do it.  I went to my room, set my bags on my bed, and sat at my desk.  I've had this plan for a while, but just recently found the correct time to carry through.  That time was today.

After grabbing a piece of paper and a pencil, I sighed then started to write.  Everything flowed onto the paper so well, almost as if I was meant to do this.

'Alex, It's been a year since we met.  I
don't know how much longer I can last. 

I don't want to live a life without you... 

I've tried to move on, but... It's difficult.  You were my everything, Alex. 

You were the diamond beneath the rock... You put the smile on my face, the warmth in my heart, the color in my vision...

Without you, I feel like nothing... like my purpose has been ripped from me.

What's a world without Alex Jackens? 

Dull...  Solemn...  Monotone... Like a sad song on piano. 

I don't want to live in a world without a reason...  without you... 

I can't deal with this internal agony anymore, Alex.  I miss you so damn much. 

I keep hoping and imagining that tomorrow I'll open my eyes to see you lying there beside me.  Holding me....

It's been a year, but it still hurts when I
hear your name.

The name that used to bring so much joy. 

I'll never forget what happened.  That day. 

...I could've stopped it...

I know you'll never be coming back to me now...  So I'll be coming to you.

Sit tight Alexander.  I'll see you soon...

    ~Jessie'

And with that I went to the bathroom and grabbed some bottles.  They were the pill bottles to my antidepressants ironically enough.  Two by two I ingested the entire bottle. 

I closed my eyes and breathed.  This was actually happening.  I texted Dan, Phil, and Becky little messages saying sorry and explaining why then laid myself down into the tub. 

I laid there for a good twenty minutes before noticing my muscles were twitching. This for some reason gave me relief, but then I heard a noise from down the hall. Was someone home?

I got up and opened the door to look around. My hands had to stay on the wall so I didn't fall over. The noise was coming from my room, so that's where I went.

When I opened the door I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It was him. He was standing there. He looked the same as when we first saw each other. I ran over and wrapped my arms around him, but when I felt nothing and looked he was gone. I started to tear up.

"What am I doing? What is this? Why?" Random questions escaped my lips as I cried on my bedroom floor. I felt my body starting to give up and let go. I was ready.

Something didn't feel right though.  I saw my phone on the ground next to me and opened it.  I wanted to go into my messages, but accidentally clicked to go into my contacts. My eyes only had glanced at his name, but the name was calling me.

My finger involuntarily pushed the message button and I typed one simple thing that was the last thing to go through my swirling mind as I drifted off into an eternal sleep.

Me:  Au Revoir.