Au Revoir

4

My foot was uncontrollably tapping against the ground as I waited for Alex at the park.  The bench I was sitting on faced a lake.  A sunset was just starting to appear, and little streaks of pink and orange were peeking through the blue sky.

"Hey."  Alex's voice rang out from behind me.  

"Oh, hey."  I said quickly turning around.

He came and sat next to me.  We sat in silence for about two minutes before he started to talk.

"My grandpa.  As a little kid he always taught me new things and supported me with whatever phase I was going through next.  My father being the strict guy he is didn't like this.  He always just figured I would follow in his footsteps and become a lawyer, but I honestly want to be a psychiatrist.  Anyways, I was always really close to my grandpa because he gives me reasons to keep going.  Tuesday when I had hung up the call my mom came up the steps sobbing, and told me he had a stroke.  I lost it.  He was sent to the hospital right away, but we didn't hear anything until yesterday.  He's fine apparently.  Only has troubles with remembering minor details, and gripping things.  That's why I was gone."  Alex's bottom lip quivered, and his eyes started to tear up.  I wasn't judging though since I started tearing up too.

Not knowing what to say, I just reach over and gave him a hug.  He wrapped his arms around me and leaned his head on my shoulder.  I rubbed circles on his back, and he totally started breaking down. 

"I just...  he means so much to me Jess.  The only reason I'm alive right now i-is because he listens and c-cares."  

"Shh, it's okay."  I whispered in his ear, and began to rock side to side slightly.

After five minutes he calmed down.  He took his glasses off and wiped his eyes.

"Since sixth grade I've dealt with anxiety, and seventh grade I got depression.  My dad doesn't believe that someone can be depressed,  and my mom just fucking goes along with him since she gets yelled at if she doesn't.  I can't talk to my grandpa either since I don't want to disappoint him.  I've had no one."  He starts to reach for his sleeve.  I have a feeling I know where this is going.  I block his hand from going to his arm.

"Alex no.  I don't want you to feel forced to tell me this stuff."  We made eye contact, and the world faded away.  His eyes were a golden hazel.  I had never really noticed before since he mostly looks at his feet or hands.

"No, I want to.  I can feel something when I'm around you.  A way that only my grandpa can make me feel."  He pulled up his short sleeves up past his shoulder, and there were scars all over his shoulders.  Some thin, some thick, some short, and some long.  Alex grabbed my hand and put it on the scars.  

I feel like I'm reading his diary.  Guilt, curiosity, and sadness filled me.  

"Alex,"  I start, "I know I only just met you so I don't know the whole picture, but what I do know is this.  I will be here for you.  From now till the last breath we take.  Whenever you feel anything negative, even if the only thing that happened was your phone dying, I want you to promise me you'll talk to me.  Okay?"  After that he just nodded.  I pulled him into another hug and we just watched the sun set.

That's when I thought of a quote I saw online.

"I knew a boy who liked to draw, he drew pictures no one saw.  He was most artistic at night, in the bathroom, out of sight.  He kept a secret no one knew, he didn't tell a soul and his gallery grew.  His drawing were different, no paper or pen, but needed a bandage now and then.  We stood by the river under the stars, he rolled up his sleeves and showed me his scars.  He felt embarrassed and looked down at his shoes.  Then I rolled up my sleeves and whispered, "I draw too.""  I found it funny how relatable it was right now even though I'm pretty sure Alex didn't know about me cutting.

"What did you say?"  He looked up at me.

"Just a quote I remember seeing online."  I didn't lie.

"Oh okay."

--

As I sat in my first hour class Monday, I realized how fast the weekend went by even though I didn't do much.  All I did was catch up on homework, clean my room, and text Alex.  The bell rang and I looked at the front of the room where the teacher was standing.  She started to clap her hands.

"Quiet down class!  Okay, so, we have a new student joining us today.  Her name is Lilith Spade, and she should be finishing up with the principal soon."  As if on queue a girl with blue and green hair walked into the room.

"Ah welcome Lilith.  Do you want to introduce yourself?"  The teacher asked.

"Uh sure.  Hi my name is Lilith and I believe Shrek is our only god, but my parents won't accept my religion."  The whole class chuckled, but the teacher had a shocked/horrified expression.  I'm pretty sure she's Catholic.

"Well...  Ms. Spade you can go sit in that empty seat next to Jessie."  I waved to let Lilith know who I was.  As she walked towards me I took in her appearance more.  Her wavy hair went down to her elbows.  She wore ripped black jeans, a teal v-neck T-shirt that showed a little stomach and cleavage.  Other than that she had a black choker and black eye-liner.  

She looks so cool.

I felt really intimidated by her.  She didn't talk or raise her hand.  All she did was sketch in her notebook.  Right before the bell rang for class to end I decided to talk to her.

"Hey I like your hair."  She looked at me with an interested expression.

"You do?  Most preps just say it's weird."  Oh yeah, I was supposed to be a prep.

"Well if they wanna say that they should look in the mirror."  I half smiled at my attempt at being sassy.

"You seem pretty down to earth.  Friends?"  She stuck her hand out.

"Uh sure."  When I go to shake her hand I feel a spark.  It made my heart flutter.  We let go when the bell rings.

"So, do you need help finding any classrooms?"  I hoped she would say yes so I could hang out with her more.

"Nah the principal showed me around before class started.  I should make it to English fine."  

"Hey I've got English next too."  I think I might have seemed too excited, but oh well.

"Cool, lets go together then."  She said looking at me with a smirk, while her dark brown eyes stared into mine.