Care for you

Thirteen

I was sitting on my bed thinking about the conversation me and Justin had earlier. When he asked me if I was going back home for Thanksgiving I got really mad. It was sort of like a reflex. I would think of the small shitty town I was from and then I would think about Vance and my mother and how my father left us.

I was reminded of my horrible childhood. How I was just a little girl and was raped. I would think about how my mother hated me for basically ruining her already shifty life and how she would come home late at night drunk and high and how she would take her anger out on me.

There's still some scars from times when she would put out her cigarettes on my body just to cause me pain. But I think it hurt more when she said things to me like how much she hated me of how I would never be good enough for her or anybody else. It was emotional and physical abuse.

What added more to the emotional abuse was how she blamed me for my father leaving. I mean I guess some of it was my fault but, if I was married to a psycho bitch like her I would leave to. But I would take my child with me not leave her to get abused.

To say all this happened before my 9th birthday is crazy. The funny part was that each of these horrible things happened on my birthdays. Funny don't ya think.

On my 5th birthday my mother came home at 1 am. I stayed up all night waiting for my parents to come home so we could celebrate. That never happened though. My father was working at the hospital till morning. My mother was most likely getting drunk using my fathers money.

I remember her entering the house calling my name. Me being the naive little girl I am I thought maybe she had gifts for me you know because it was my birthday and all, boy was I wrong. She only screamed at me. And when I asked her where my cake and presents were she just said there was none because I didn't deserve anything. I started crying. I mean I just had turned 5. I should have just shut up and went to my room, but I didn't. And because I didn't listen and go up to my room she twisted my arm so hard she dislocated it. What kind of mother even does that. It still baffles me to this day.

My 6th birthday is probably the worst day/year ever. That was the year Vance took advantage of me. At my own birthday party. My dad threw me the party. I had a few friends, they were my neighbors but it didn't matter. I was having fun. The three of us were in my backyard running around.

It happened when I came inside to use the bathroom. All the adults were outside talking. Well everyone besides Vance.

I was going back to the party when someone pulled me back. I think you all can guess who it was. And if you can't let me tell you. It was Vance. My moms creepy side boy. I didn't even know why he was here but I didn't question it, it'd only get in trouble for wondering.

Everything happened so fast I couldn't even comprehend it. Once second I was walking back to my friends and the other I was on the floor under a huge creepy guy. Then my dress was coming off my body. I started screaming at the top of my lungs. Well at least I tried because he clampedhis hand over my mouth. I was crying, begging him to stop he didn't stop though. He continued violating my six year old body like a sick bastard.

Then I felt something break me. It hurt. I tired so hard getting away from him. I was only a six year old girl there wasn't much I could do but I still fought as hard as I could. I kept screaming. I bite his hand, kicked my legs, threw my arms around anything to get me out of this situation.

The screaming worked because someone heard me. It was my fathers best friend. He pulled me out from under him and I guess they started fighting I really don't know I was in to much shock. I screamed for my father. I kept screaming for him until I was safe in his arms. I couldn't stop crying. I didn't even know what was happening or why it was. All I knew was that I was in a lot of pain. I saw red and instantly knew it was blood. That made me cry harder. I was bleeding and in pain.