Just when I thought I'd found someone who I could give my full trust to, someone who understood the ordeal I'd been through and wanted to genuinely help, I found out the truth. I was made into a human guinea pig without even knowing it. The binder contained everything we'd ever talked about and done, even in bed. It even had a full transcript of conversations we had in the past, he probably had it recorded in his phone or something. It was written in ther my sexual fantasies, my thoughts, how I reacted with what was being done to me, and his hypothesis. It was detailed, concise, and so clinical. Like he was observing a lab rat or something. I was used as a subject in his study on traumatic reenactment and revictimization.
I was used again. Ang masakit pa ay yung taong pinagkakatiwalaan ko ang gumamit sa akin. For years, I struggled with trusting people and the Callum came and in a short span of time, he was able to get me to trust him. And then I find out he was just like them. He used and violated me to his advantage. He'd shattered that last hope I had.
Tears began to sting my eyes when I thought of it again but I quickly blinked it away. I wasn't going to cry over it now. Tapos na akong umiyak kagabi. I turned my attention back to the books I was putting away.
"Audrey..." I almost dropped a book when I heard Callum's voice from behind me.
"What are you doing here?" I asked in a stern voice.
"You haven't answered any of my calls or text messages. Kausapin mo naman ako. Hayaan mo akong magpaliwanag."
"Stay away from me." The words came out hard and flat. "I don't need your explanation. What I saw was enough."
"Audrey, I only want to help."
"You don't want to help. You used me to your convenience. Wala kang pinagkaiba sa mga taong nanamantala sa akin." I felt my throat constricting.
"No, don't say that. Please don't say that, Audrey." He said in a small voice. "I genuinely want to help. I want to understand you more and help people like you."
"You did it without my consent!". I tried to keep my voice under control. "You have a transcript of our conversations, everything we did in bed, how I reacted and even my thoughts were written there! You make me feel like I'm a sex freak! Like I'm some lab animal you're experimenting on. I'm a human being, Callum! I may be damaged but I'm still a human being."
"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry". His voice shook. "I didn't mean to make you feel like that. I admit, your case piques my interest. I wanted a deeper understanding to what's going through your mind. Hindi ko sinabi sa'yo kasi alam kong iyan ang iisipin mo. You're not a sex freak. Normal iyon. People respond to trauma in different ways."
"For years, I didn't trust anyone outside of my family but I trusted you, Callum." The corners of my lips sagged downwards. "And you broke that trust. Ayaw ko nang Makita ka. Umalis ka na."
"Audrey, please...." He took a step towards me.
"Don't go any nearer." I glared at him.
"Audrey, I'm so sorry." His eyes, that were as black as a darkest night, were coated with sheer sadness. "What we had, what I showed to you were all genuine."
"Get away from me! Umalis ka na sabi!" I shouted at him as tears began to spill from my eyes.
"Audrey, is everything okay?" Mrs. Keri was suddenly striding towards us. I quickly wiped the tears in the corners of my eyes. She stopped in front of me and then averted her gaze to Callum. "Is he harassing you again, Audrey?"
I didn't answer.
"I'm going to call the cops to assist you out if you don't leave within ten seconds." Mrs. Keri warned.
