The thought of ending this book crosses my mind as the date seems to be getting closer,
It honestly hurts my heart a little,
Maybe because I put so much into this,
And the thought of publishing it scares me shitless,
As well as I feel like the minute I end this book,
Write my last poem,
And publish it,
I've officially closed this chapter of my life,
And that scares me even more.
When I started this book,
I had this thought in my head that the last poem I wrote in here would be one of how much I loved her,
How much she loved me,
How happy I was,
That I ended this year okay,
And that I was going on steady,
But I realize now life doesn't work the way I wish it did,
She's going to another school next year,
I won't even pass her in the halls,
And I feel like that should make me glad,
But my heart truly hurts,
Reading back over all those poems,
I wrote half a year ago,
And realizing that I still feel the same way,
Just a different person,
And it's crazy how much high school changes you,
It's crazy how much just a few months,
Can completely morph who you are as a person,
Isn't it funny how I started with so much love to give,
Having a vibe that made you want to drink coffee on the porch during a cool morning wrapped in a brown knitted blanket,
To a vibe that distinctly reminds you of the taste of cigarettes and sleepless nights,
Staying out past curfew and not caring about myself,
And caring to much about someone else,
I want to reintroduce myself to so many people,
But that one girl in particular,
I wonder silently had I been this way before we stopped talking,
If I'd be the kind of girl you'd fall in love with,
Because at the time I was to soft,
To circular for you,
And I know that so you don't have to lie,
But now my edges are so sharp all you have to do is brush against me and you'll bleed,
I don't even have a shape and every inch of me is rough,
Maybe now I'm too rough for you though,
So maybe that's why once again after coming back to me for a few days,
We stopped talking,
Maybe you saw through all of me so easily,
And maybe you're scared of getting cut on my edge,
Welcome to the club though,
I'm not offended,
You're not the only one,
It's funny how it all seems to lead back to something,
And I know it isn't over between us yet,
According to the ouija board that one crazy fucking night,
We still have more encounters to go through,
And I'm sorry to all my readers,
Who read through this book expecting poetry that can relate to the struggles of high school or hurt,
But I guess I only wrote this book for the one person who will never read it,
And my almost love,
That person is you.
