Grey

Chapter 37

That morning, I was on a flight back to Washington. Allison's funeral was to be held that afternoon. I'd return to Colorado tonight to spend Christmas day with my family.

There weren't any details provided about the way she had died, only that she'd been found early this morning by a security guard by the library. Part of me wondered if she'd been attacked by the same guys who had attacked me, only Grey hadn't been there to save her. Part of me wondered if the same people that kidnapped Grey had gotten to her, trying to pull me out of hiding. Not that I was hiding, but maybe they saw it that way. Regardless, I felt like it was my fault. No one was there to save her, and that was on me.

The moments after I'd found out about her death, I don't particularly remember. Maybe I'd blocked it out of my conscious memory. My mom said I'd broken down in tears, my father had said I'd sat silently on the couch for about an hour. Maybe they were both right, both of those seemed like reasonable reactions.

I thought back to the gala, where she'd confronted me with Jack and explained why she was angry with me. She had been right then. Maybe if I'd been honest with her about everything, she would still be alive. Maybe she would've become an Awakened too and then she would have defended herself. Not to say that she didn't, but obviously it didn't do much. I knew that this all went back to me, which only made me feel worse.

I'd never see her again. I'd never be able to apologize for my dismissive behavior, for ignoring her these last few months and removing her from my life. Maybe, when she'd died, she hadn't even thought of me as a best friend anymore. I hoped she wouldn't blame me for too long in the Afterlife, even if I did deserve it.

I wondered if Jack was okay. I knew he wasn't. They had just gotten back together, and I knew he'd loved her for the longest time. I used to believe they would one day marry each other. Now, that future had been destroyed, all because of me. My mere existence not only resulted in Grey's kidnapping, but Allison's death and perhaps the loss of happiness of a dear friend. This wasn't the life I had wanted for myself. This wasn't the life I had wanted for Allison, or for Jack.

So, as I got out of my cab, clad in black at the cemetery near campus, I did my best to avoid looking at anyone. I could see Allison's sobbing parents out of the corner of my eye, Jack crying on his friend's shoulder, her extended family doing their best to comfort everyone. As could be expected, everyone was inconsolable. Some of the members of my sorority were here, and I hoped I would remain out of their sight. I wasn't particularly in the mood for a fight today.

My heart stuttered as I noticed the oak tree from my dream, the mahogany casket sitting next to a rectangular hole in the ground. The casket was closed. Next to it sat a large picture of Allison, one that I'd recognized. I'd taken that photo of her. She and I had gone on a hike one day in the summer last year, down to the beach I'd hiked to in the rain only a few months ago. She had sat by the ocean, skipping rocks across the waves. It was one of the few days that the Washington sky had cleared, and brilliant rays of sunlight had made her platinum hair appear to glow. She was laughing at something I had said, though now I couldn't remember. She was happy then. Alive.

I felt tears bud my eyes and immediately began to hold my breath. I didn't deserve to cry over her, not when I was the cause of this. I cast my eyes downwards and took a seat in the back row of chairs, hoping not to be noticed.

I should've told her what had happened, I should've reached out to her and been honest. All of this wouldn't have happened if I were merely honest with my best friend. Now, I would live the rest of my life knowing that I'd killed my best friend, and that when she'd died, she probably hated me. I felt guilty even pitying myself. I didn't deserve to feel bad for myself, not when I was still alive and she was the one in the casket.

When the chair next to me moved, I didn't move my gaze from the green grass in front of me.

"She's not in there," I heard Jack's raw voice and looked up at him. His eyes were bloodshot, cheeks stained with tears. He looked like he'd been crying everyday since her passing.

"What do you mean?" I whispered in a voice so small I'm surprised it made it past my lips at all.

"Her death has been ruled a murder, so her body isn't in there. They're keeping it in autopsy until they can find her killer," Jack replied with a sniffle, looking forwards toward the casket.

"Who would want to kill Allison? She-," I began, but was unable to finish the sentence. Jack's gaze then drifted back to me.

"You guys got pretty heated at the gala," he mumbled out, but I could see the tension in his jaw as soon as the words left his mouth. Despite his soft tone, I could see him fighting back rage, desperate to blame someone, anyone.

"I've been in Colorado since yesterday morning," I replied, meeting his intense glare. His eyes narrowed slightly, but when I refused to back down from that glare, he turned away. "I know you want answers. Unfortunately, it's not me."

"Everyone loved her. No one fought with her, ever. You were the only person I could possibly think of aside from your boyfriend," Jack snarled at the last word, as if it were acid on his tongue.

"Grey's been missing for weeks," I croaked, my voice breaking as I spoke his name. Jack turned back to me and scowled.

"What do you think happened? Get caught up in some drug deal and had to run?" He chuckled dryly. My temper flared and I glared at him.

"Grey didn't do drugs. He was kidnapped, thank you very much. Taken from his home while I was sleeping upstairs. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?" I hissed, feeling the rage curl in the back of my throat like a coiled viper ready to strike. Jack glanced at me out of the corner of his eye.

"Unfortunately, no. Though I wish I did. The guy was a douche, Jordan. Someone as smart as you should've been able to see that," he grumbled.

A snarl curled on my lips and I gritted my teeth to keep from saying something vile. This was Allison's funeral. I didn't want this to be about Grey and I, nor did I want to ruin it by destroying her boyfriend. Him talking about Grey this way made me feel nothing but rage. Grey was not the man Jack thought he was. He was so much more.

"Watch your mouth," I snarled out, eyes slowly flicking over to meet Jack's. One too many times, I had been able to see myself in those green irises. Now, I saw nothing but spite and hatred. The man sitting next to me was not one that I knew.

"So defensive over a guy that didn't care one bit about your well being," Jack snickered under his breath.

Without a second thought, my hand flew out and gripped his wrist tightly. I squeezed harder and harder until I saw his jaw open in silent agony, until I felt the bones begin to crumble beneath my fingertips.

"Jordan," he whispered as a plea, trying desperately not to scream.

I had tried to withhold my fury, to keep my raging emotions under control, but him pushing and pushing about Grey- I couldn't take it anymore. I'd warned him to bite his tongue. He should've listened.

"Say another word against Grey and it'll be your throat next," I hissed, releasing his wrist and folding my arms, sitting back in my seat. He coddled his wrist, biting his lips to keep from crying out in agony. "Today is about Allison. If you'd like to speak with me about her, you can stay. Otherwise, I'm going to have to ask you to leave me the hell alone," I bit out.

With that, Jack gave me one final glance before abruptly standing up and walking away. I could've sworn I heard him call me a name under his breath, but I didn't particularly care. The only bridges I'd cared about had since crumbled, so I might as well burn the rest of them.