The Perks of Being a Freak (Editing)

29. Sometimes All I Need To Feel Better Is A Kick In The Ass

I’m not sure how I ended up crying that night, but I did. I curled up on my bed, tears leaking from my stupid perfect eyes onto my pillow, leaving a mark next to my temple.

So they noticed I was gone, but they didn’t believe me. Even Seth and Cody, who acted like they cared about me, refused to believe me. To be fair, the tale did sound a bit far-fetched. I probably wouldn’t have believed it if one of my brothers had come running to me.

But that wasn’t what hurt the most.

I had come to terms with the fact that my mother and father didn’t love me as much as they did my brothers. I had accepted that I wasn’t accepted into my family. I had moved on a long time ago. They could ignore me, and I would ignore them.

But now my parents weren’t just ignoring me. They thought that I was doing illegal things. They thought that I was doing drugs and drinking and being a slut in general.

They didn’t know me!!

How could someone rationalize passing judgement on someone else when they didn’t even know them? How could my parents rationalize not knowing me, their own daughter?? What bastards!

Maybe everyone just did hate me.

We don’t hate you, Lia, Benny said, quite suddenly. I jumped and spun around on my bed, almost expecting him to be behind me. He wasn’t, of course, but it stilled startled me. I kept forgetting that I had more people in my head.

You hated me yesterday, I reminded him. All of you. Even Emily. 

We were angry with you, he corrected me. That doesn’t mean we hate you.

Tony hates me. I wished that I could say that without sounding like a whiny child.

Tony hates everyone, Benny sounded exasperated.

But he hates me especially. I sounded like I was five years old. This was horrible.

When did you ever let that stop you? Now Benny sounded angry again. The Lia I know never cared about what people thought.

I’m not the Lia you knew, Benny. I was suddenly tired. So, so tired and so, so angry. I was sick of this all. I was sick of my wings and sick of the voices in my head. I was sick, sick, sick, but all the doctors were evil. The Lia you knew couldn’t fly. The Lia you knew didn’t have surgically enhanced vision. The Lia you knew wasn’t a freak.

The Lia I knew would love to have wings, Benny was right. I would have loved to have wings. I would have loved to be able to fly.

But then I got the wings.

The Lia I knew would be out, playing in the clouds or whatever. She wouldn’t be sulking in her room, moaning and crying because her mommy and daddy don’t pay attention to her. Stop being so pathetic.

Benny’s words did two things to me. One, they gave me an uncontrollable urge to punch him in his pretty teeth. Two, he made me angry with myself. He was right. I shouldn’t be moping. I shouldn’t be this sad, pitiable girl who cried herself to sleep.

I will never cry myself to sleep again, I vowed, standing. How are you so… chill?

I ask myself that every second. Benny said. I guess I’m just good at hiding things.

Do you think that you were the one who made us all invisible?

I think that there’s a pretty good chance that it’s me. Benny sounded smug.

Well you have plans tomorrow. I informed him, equally as smug.

Oh? I didn’t know that. He sounded like he was smirking. God I hated and loved Benny’s smirk so much.

You and I are going to get ice cream, and then you’re going to try and make my wings invisible because I have swim practice starting next week. 

I’m glad you’re not giving up, Lia. Now he sounded proud. Was Benny proud of me for persevering? Or was he proud of himself for bullying me into not backing down?

Did you expect anything less? I smirked into my damp pillow.

From you? He laughed. I never know what to expect from you, babe.