Moving Forward

Chapter Thirty One

"Maliah!" Rion shouted in the distance.

My legs weren't moving. The water kept pulling me in. I couldn't crawl my way back to the shore because the wet sand kept crumbling in my hands. No, no, no! My body was being covered repeatedly by the salty, sandy water. That was it. My fate. So it shall be...

Air. Dry air. No water. My body felt light. Was I floating? I opened my eyes to see Rion carrying me in his arms. Why was he always my saviour? Even in my dreams? I wrapped my arms around his neck for support and nuzzled my face in his chest. His body was so warm. I could hear the fluttering of his heartbeats. They were rapid. Was he scared? Shocked maybe?

"Why are you so stubborn?" Rion asked as he carefully placed me on the sand. I was a few good feet away from the shoreline.

I blinked up at him. How was I suppose to answer that? It was a rhetorical question. But he seemed to be waiting for an answer.

"I'm ready to go home." I managed to say, glancing away from him.

Since I wasn't on the blanket, I knew my hair would be riddled with sand. But it was the least of my worries. I needed to get back the feelings in my legs. I could barely move my ankles.

Rion raised a brow and smirked at me. "Oh, so now you're ready to go home? How convenient."

I nodded my head still glancing away from him. I was embarrassed. Humiliated. Why on earth did I do that? What was I trying to prove? I couldn't bare to look at him. He was right. I wasn't ready for the next step.

"Can you walk?"

I shook my head.

"Then I guess we'll have to wait it out. What happened? You screamed as if you saw a ghost."

Silence. I couldn't add anything to it without telling him what really happened. What really was haunting me. I turned to face him, but he was peering out at the sea. As if he was longing to go back in.

Exhaling a deep breath, I said, "I was twelve when my twin brother drowned."

Rion's head whipped around to face mine. His eyebrows furrowed. He looked as if he wanted to ask a million questions but he kept silent and just nodded.

"We were always taken to the beach on weekends by our parents. And as usual, we would play a game. Malik made up this stupid game about staying under the water the longest. I played along. It was harmless fun right?" Tears fell onto my cheek as the terrible memories floated back.

Rion stared at me. He didn't wipe away my tears, he didn't hold my hand, he just stared.

"We'd played the game a million times. But this time we were obstructed my a stupid wave. It threw me off a bit but I regained my stance. I looked around in the water and couldn't find Malik." I sniffed. The memory was so clear. By now it should have been hard to recall but it was so clear as if it had happened yesterday.

I propped my upper body up on my elbows and peered towards the water. There was one man bathing in it. Floating rather. People were starting to arrive.

"What happened?" Rion pressed. He sensed that I had noticed a person was in the water.

"I thought he was showing off. I thought he was just starting over because of the wave. But after three minutes..." I trailed off trying to wipe  the tears away with my sandy hand. "After three minutes I got scared. It was too long. I couldn't even find him. Normally I would see the dark outline of his body in the water but I didn't."

My breaths hitched as I tried to stifle the sobs. "I shouted for his name so many times but he didn't respond. Even mom and dad came in looking for him. It was only after they had to fetch a lifeguard. It was already late. He had drowned."

My shoulders shook vigorously as the sobs came out. Rion pulled me towards him. I didn't have the strength to hug him back. My hands just laid limp at my sides.

"It's not your fault Maliah."

"Then whose was it?" I pushed away-- finally getting some feeling back into my legs. "If I didn't agree to play that stupid game then he would have still been alive today."

"We don't know that."

"Year after year my mother has blamed me. And I believe her. It was my fault." I couldn't see him anymore. The tears were blocking my vision. It was just a blurred image of a man sitting in front of me.

"Maliah!" Rion shook me. "It's not your fault. If he decided to go under again and didn't make it back up it was on him. He should have known to come back up. If he got swept by the wave then that was beyond his control. None of that was your fault."

"Yes."

"No Mals."

"Yes."

"No!" He squeezed my shoulders.

"Yes!! It should have been me!!" I screamed. "You should have just left me in the water to drown too..." I grumbled.

"Don't you ever say that!!! I don't want you to ever say that." He pulled me towards his chest squeezing tight. "You are alive today because you have a purpose, because..." He trailed off. His voice was much softer.

I jerked away from his embrace, "Because what?"

"Nothing..." He reached out and brushed some sand off my face. "Just don't say that you wish it was you. It hurts to think that you would want to die."

"Why do you care so much?!" I scowled. He wasn't my dad. He wasn't  my brother. He was nothing to me. I couldn't understand why he would care if I lived or die. I didn't even care.

"I just care!"

"Why would you care. You don't know me. I'm a stranger to you. I'm nothing to you."

Rion ran his hands through his hair. Frustrated. Frustrated about something. Someone? Me?

"Rion!" I begged. I needed to know.

He peered at me. "Why would you want to die?"

I blinked. I didn't expect the question. In fact, I didn't expect him to say anything at all.

"Why do you think it happened to him and not you? It could have happened when you were under the water."

I shrugged. He had a point. But it still wasn't enough. Since my brother died my whole life had been altered. Not for the good, but for the worst. I had psychological problems because of it. And still did. My parents were separated and I had been closed off since. It was difficult living. It was difficult being alive.

"You have a purpose."

"No I don't. I'm just living. Living just for living sake. And I'm miserable like this. You would never understand."

Rion clenched his jaw, "Do you know how many people wish they had life right now? Some were not fortunate. Like your brother. Others had their life snuffed out before they even knew it."

I bit my cheek, "Others like whom?" Dead people were fortunate people because they didn't have to bare any suffering. I watched as Rion's jaw clenched even harder. "Others like whom!?" I repeated when he didn't answer.

"Others like my daughter."

...

**To be Continued.**