Everything in Between

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Three 

Liam.

Out of the millions of people on this planet, I never would have ever guessed Liam.

He looked . . . tired. But I could only imagine how he truly felt. Loving your best friend is hard, loving your best friend who’s your bandmate is difficult, but loving your best friend who’s your bandmate and a guy? I could only imagine the great lengths he was going through to cope with it.

“Liam?”

“Yeah, Liam.”  

His hand went instantly back to the package of cigarettes, this time successfully pulling one out and lighting it up, taking a long drag.

“How long?”

He sighed and closed his eyes tight. “Since . . .  since just after X-Factor. I know it’s wrong, but I couldn’t help myself. At first there wasn’t any feelings at all. I just thought he was attractive. But then I started to notice other things, and I mean really notice. Things just kept happening after that and, now, I’m in a lot farther than I thought I ever would be.”

“Do any of the other guys know?”

“No, just you. Things would’ve changed if I told them. Things are going to change.”

I stood beside him, the two of us leaning over the railing together both staring across the city, and mulled the whole thing over.

“I can’t believe this, Zayn. This is amazing.”

He scrunched up his face. “You think this is amazing? You don’t think it’s disgusting? You’re not angry that I’m jeopardizing mine and the others’ careers?”

I shook my head firmly. “Never in a million years would I think so negatively of something so beautiful.”

“Beautiful?”

I nodded my head. “Love. Love is beautiful. And whether it happens between a boy and a girl, a girl and a girl, or between a boy and a boy, it’s still beautiful. Not everyone gets to experience a thing like love.”

“Why do I have feeling that you’re trying to tell me something underneath it all? What are you saying?”

“I’m saying you should tell him.”

“I’m not so sure about that . . .”

“Well I am. You should tell him.”

“It isn’t that easy. In case you’ve forgotten, I’m supposed to be dating you. And if that isn’t enough, I think you’ve forgotten to take the fact that he’s straight into consideration.”

“So what if he’s straight? Didn’t you think you were straight before the whole Liam thing?”

“Well . . . not exactly. . . I wasn’t positive that I was straight but I didn’t exactly think I was gay either. I was just confused.”

“For all we know, Liam could be too. And as for the whole fake dating situation? That shouldn’t be the thing to stop you either. We’re supposed to be together, and yet . . . I’m in love with Louis. And he knows.”

“Some of us aren’t you, Cassidy. Some of us aren’t that lucky.”

“You’ll regret it if you don’t. You’ll spend forever regretting it.” He stayed silent and threw the bud of his cigarette into the ash tray beside him. “Look –”

“Are you two coming back inside?”

I glanced towards where Louis was standing in the doorway watching us suspiciously. Nodding my head, I said, “I’ll be in in one second,” then turned back to Zayn. “Look, you don’t have to do anything, but just think about it.” I gently kissed his cheek and quickly went back inside to where Louis was waiting for me.