So right now I'm having really bad anxiety and I don't know what to do. So here I am trying to right about my anxiety. Though to be fair it could be my lack of meds. I don't have any more of a certain meds and maybe thats making me unstable. They control my mood swing disorder and now I think my body has gotten rid of it or is trying to. I'm trying to calm down so hard. But maybe I'll talk about something that makes me happy. I've been talking to this good friend of mine and I like him. He does have a girlfriend but he deserves way better. I would never take a guy from another woman and that isn't what I'm trying to do. I don't think I'm something special or anything but I do think I could be better for him. I'm the kind of girl that when you ask me to commit I commit. Like yeah I mess around and flirt with guys but once you ask, I'm yours. I go for the guys that are kind a-holes and have a big ego and are arrogant. He's not like that at all he is definitely different from others I've met. I go for guys who think they are better than me and maybe I'm part of the problem in letting them think that. Theres only one ex that wasn't like the others and he's the only one I'd ever get back with if that's what I wanted. But it's not cause there's so many other problems going on there. My friend has stood by me when I've needed to talk about my issues. I tell guys about my problems I warn them but the moment I show even a little bit of it they don't want to deal with it. They only want the good and fun parts of me not all of me. My friend met me when I was at my worst, he even saw me cry a few times. We met through my problems so he knows that my baggage is a lot. He also gets that I don't depend on anyone to fix my problems. I only ever need someone to talk them out with because I am a reasonable and logical being. I can rationalize my feelings very easily but I need to talk them out. My best friend and I are the kind of girls that get mad when a guy doesn't text back fast enough. But we don't say or do anything we just tell each other and that's that. My anxiety is still running around my head but it's calmed down a little bit. I'm just like really tired now to be honest. I don't know it feels like I'm so close but not enough. I feel like things might go south with the guy cause whenever I get too excited about a guy it falls apart. Idk who knows....
