He makes me feel a certain way. He makes me feel 15 but the good parts. Like the part of me that never got go through being 15. I grew up quickly and got sick. The combination of those two took away most of my teen years. He makes me giddy and all that stupid shit. And I know I get like this easily but so far it's been almost a week and normally by now I'm over them. I've yet to have a moment of doubt where I didn't wanna talk to him. I don't want this end. I want it to start. As much as I'm gonna hate myself for saying this I really wanna get my license just so I can have the freedom to go as I want and see him. It's pathetic to wanna do something just because of a guy but hey if that's what it takes to get me to finally do it than okay. But he's different so far that is. He doesn't seem like someone who's going to complicate my life but rather be a delightful addition to it. I don't need a guy but I really want this one. I want to protect myself but I can't help but let my guard down. This would be my first adult relationship and I barely knew how to have a teen relationship let alone an adult one. Like how do I even? What do I even? How am I supposed to even know what a healthy relationship looks like when all I've ever seen is bad ones. I don't it's just like everything else in life the more I think about the more I scare myself into not doing it. But this is something that I really wanna do not just do it cause I have to. I also just wanna get back to writing now because I loved and I lost the passion but I don't know i just feel like I could do it now. Like I won't be sat there stuck. Plus my readers deserve better than this indefinite hiatus that I never even knew I would take. I wanna get back to things I love and I feel like moving forward with my life like I want to will help with that. Because I'll finally feel like I can do this I can be an adult and that includes being in an adult relationship. I also haven't felt fear of him suffocating me. I always get that feeling quickly and so I run away. The idea of being in a relationship usually scares me but not with him. Maybe because he feels the same way I do about how a relationship should be. I don't want to be on someone's mind 24/7 but rather in their heart. It's crazy to think that people you date you will either break up and wasted your time depending on how things went or you spend the rest of your life with them. I think it is different this time. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself who the f^ck knows. Though I think he's right there with me so it's okay. I don't mind being here as long as I'm not alone.
