𝐃𝐎𝐍'𝐓 𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐌𝐄

twenty-six

***

" j-jeongguk "

the male walks closer to him but taehyung quickly showed his palm at him , gesturing him to stop.

" n-no... " taehyung slowly gets up , standing infront of him , without looking at him. " taehyung i- "

" w-why... WHY ARE YOU HERE?! HOW CAN YOU BE HERE?! t-there's... THERE'S NO WAY THAT I'M LOOKING AT YOU! you're.. you're just an illusion. n-no this must be a dream- no a nightmater. I WANT TO WAKE UP FROM THIS NIGHTMARE PLEASE. "

taehyung began shouting as he panics , covering his face. the younger quickly grabbed his wrists trying to calm him down. " tae calm do- "

" LET GO OF ME! YOU'RE JUST AN ILLUSION! JEONGGUK IS DEAD! LEAVE ME ALONE! "

taehyung's throat immediately closed up and he felt like coughing because he suddenly couldn't breathe , it felt like there were a million voices inside his head.

" I'M NOT DEAD TAEHYUNG! IT'S REALLY ME! please , just calm down! " jeongguk felt his heart battered inside his chest , beating loudly as all the blood rush into the head and all he can think about was how he could have said sorry to taehyung and explain to him , could have pushed the other for explaining the reason why he left him.

taehyung couldn't say anything , he was still speechless and hurt. he tried to walk away from him when jeongguk suddenly found himself reaching out , wrapping his arms around his body. " t-taehyung please... listen to me.. " jeongguk breathed out shakily and the other stiffened as he frantically wiped his face with his hand. it was no use, jeongguk knew , always knew when taehyung cry , he always used to be his source of comfort and endless praise and constant safe place. but...

" p-please... " jeongguk's voice cracked as he swallowed the tears that were already coming. " please let me explain... " taehyung didn't move a bit , all of the unspoken words resonated within the confines of their minds , threatening to burst fort. he didn't reply yet , perhaps he was thinking of what to say to jeongguk because he felt like he was still having that kind of an ounce of love that he used to have for him or perhaps he was really planning to move on and just leave him in the end. taehyung wasn't sure what to make of the other anymore , a lot has happened in this whole year , he has suffered a lot , being all brokened and alone.

" j-jeongguk... " taehyung cleared his throat and slightly turned his head to the side. a pearl of tear slipped from taehyung's eyes and jeongguk can do nothing but watch as the other closed his eyes shut with a small sob and turned his back towards him again.

" w-we can't see each other anymore." taehyung murmered quietly , as if he was trying his best to break jeongguk as swiftly as possible. and it worked. " i guess , you can say that it's my fault now , " taehyung's wet laugh sounded awful to jeongguk's ears. " because... i already moved on and got over you , you know? i'm trying to forget about you. i want to erase all the memories of all the moments we had together... "

jeongguk didn't know. and he would't have , he thought that he could be dreaming or having a nightmare right now.

" i was stupid enough to believe that you're actually really gone and took months to get over it. it hurts me so much and i couldn't even do anything back then- " taehyung choked on his words and stopped talking for a few seconds , scared that he will hurt jeongguk , hurt jeongguk more than the times he had thanked jeongguk for the times when be stayed with him. but he knew , he knew that te younger had hurt him more than he could ever been.

" and to find out that you're here , to find out that you're actually still alive– " taehyung swallowed and he finally turned to look at the other that made his heart hurt so much, made him stay up all night , made him happy by showing up in his dreams , made him feel safe and protected , the person he also hated yet loved for a long time. he looked at jeongguk the way he had never did before , eyes filled with honestly in the shape of flowing tears and all the things he was repressing burst free from the corners of his mouthㅡ the truth untold ready to be spilled and so he did.

" the person i've loved for so long , love more than i love myself– just how messed up was that , jeongguk ah.. "

jeongguk stayed still , lungs and heart forgetting to function. " i'm the biggest fool for loving you , especially the person i'm supposed to forget now." taehyung watched as jeongguk's eyes widened , bottom lip wobbling and he blinked tears out. the older couldn't bring himself to meet the other's eyes again , the feeling of guilt crushing all of his rational– heart beat stuttering at the thought of seeing jeongguk's face filled with tears. " i-i think staying away would be better for the both of us. " he supressed another cry that was trying to pierce through his throat. 

" tae , please. " he heard jeongguk spoke behind him and taehyung thought maybe if jeongguk cried enough , maybe if jeongguk begged him to stay , he would become too selfish and do just that. " we can talk it out , please. "

taehyung shook his head and more tears streamed from his face. he had decided that this was something he needed , and at the second seokjin suggested it , he knew it was the right path. " i-i just can't , jeongguk ah.. it really hurts.. "  he wasn't ready to accept himself. he needed to clear his head , clear his heart from anything hurting him , fix himself because he was the reason they were all in this place in the first place.

" i'm sorry. " and with that , taehyung began to walk away from him. it took jeongguk a second to reach taehyung again , another millisecond before he threw his arms around the other's waist and he pressed his face into the other's back. taehyung cried harder as he felt jeongguk surrounding him in a hug , shaking with how he tried to contain his sobbing into a minimum. his tears marked themselves permanently onto taehyung's clothes and he felt jeongguk's lips pressed at his back as he hugged him tighter and stuttered , " stay with me, taehyungie . i'm really sorry, i love you so please stay... "

" j-jeongguk... no you don't understand. " taehyung's hand found jeongguk's cold ones. he needs to leave him. " in the months that i was having difficulty of forgetting about you— i was lying at myself. " he gripped his hold on jeongguk.

" i hate myself for hurting myself thinking that i could actually really get over you... "

" i hate that now i'm starting to think that i was actually not over you when i'm seeing you here... " 

" tae- "

" i lost myself in those months , and right now , i can't even look at you without feeling like i'm choking. "

taehyung shut his eyes and before he can think twice of what he was doing , he pried jeongguk's hold , hands forcing to unravel his arms around him and what used to be jeongguk's soft whimpers turned into gasping and wrecked cries. " so jeongguk ah..." taehyung whispered softly and opened his eyes.

" please let me go."

" t-tae , please just trust me " jeongguk pressed himself tighter and his words were barely audible over his weeping.

" i can love you for the both of us. i want to accept you... please don't leave me... i can't go on if you're not here- y-you're the only person i have now.. please... "

" j-jeongguk- "

***

hahaha will taehyung stay or leave ?