Battles for Love

The Battle for Zachary Quinto

The judge gave a satisfied grin as he opened his mouth. "I am sentencing Sean Last and Dean Barrett to eight months imprisonment for trespassing and theft!" he announced. Sean had known he wasn't a fan.

A few days later Dean sat at the other side of a glass screen, facing Alison Brie, who was dressed in the same attire she'd worn a few months back when they hatched their plan. "I didn't expect this."

The CEO of NBC was pissed. They'd tried to block the Community film getting out, but the battle cries of Sixseasonsandamovie rang out and there was no quieting them. So he'd gotten revenge in another way.  

Dean shrugged, putting his feet up on the table. "Look at how much publicity it got the movie," he pointed out. "There's the budget for six more now."

Alison smiled sadly. "It was a worthy sacrifice." She stood to leave but hesitated. "You won that last one by the way. See you in eight months."

Dean watched her ass as she went. "I am erect," he announced to the jail officer standing in the booth with him.

                                                                                ***

At lunch of their first day, they sat alone, although they had plenty of company as nearly every eye in the room was on them as they were inspected and weighed. Sean and Dean ignored it as best they could, focusing on their trays. 

"Hey guys!" someone said with cool grace.

"Zachary!" Sean said excitedly, standing. Dean turned to see Zachary Quinto standing there. "So you got sent to this jail?" They'd been friends with the actor for years and had been shocked as everyone else when they found out that he was the most committed method actor in the world. This revelation had come as bodies were found with their skulls cut open. It turned out he'd gotten a bit too in-depth with the character of Sylar.

Zachary sat down next to Dean. "Look at us, back together again!"

"Again?!" said a rather frightening voice. Dean turned and almost pissed himself, for the toughest looking man he'd ever seen was looming over, looking rather unhappy. "Zac's mine!"

Sean held his hands up instantly. "Of course he is. We couldn't compete, wouldn't dare. You're probably wielding a katana down there."

The man smiled as Zachary went to put a hand on his chest. "That was a nice rhyme."

Sean laughed nervously. "Was it? Oh yeah. I do it by habit these days."

"So these are friends of yours?" he asked. Zachary nodded. "Alright then. Then they're friends of mine, if they earn it."

Dean sighed with relief. "Alright then, tell us how."

"How else, of course? Rap. I want a free show."

"Oh, oh, can the first one be about me?" Zachary asked. "Please! I've always wanted them to rap about me."

The massive man grinned. "As you wish. Get rapping then, monkey boys."

"After you," Dean said as everyone in the canteen gathered round.

Sean:
Damn, I found myself in jail
What the hell is up with this?
I really wish I could bail,
But I know I gotta win this kiss.
Zachary, Zachary, just listen to me
I know you like these rhymes
And I know you like doing crimes
But have you ever thought about hooking up with someone so fine?
I can take you where no man has gone before
You don't even know what's in store
So come over here and be adored
This guy's gonna make you think up is the floor!

Dean:
Hell, what is this?
I find me jailed
Stole a movie, did a rhyme
Got nailed
Now got to do time
Well Shit
Better make the best of it
And I know who with
Zachary, let's do it, get dirty
Let's not bother getting flirty
Why not, what could you do?
That fool?

Sean:
Zachary, don't listen to him
He'll just use you for your body
Then he'll drop you on a whim
Don't you know Ice Cold is his pseudonym?
I can spit fire and take you higher than you ever been before
I can put in a spaceship and blast off into the atmosphere
We can keep our lines clear
Cuz you know, unlike him, I'll be sincere
Come over here, got nothing to fear
Don't have to leave anything to chance
I can appreciate your charm, wit, and intelligence
So don't go with him, just show him the fence.

Dean:
Lines?
The only sort he knows about are coke
Don't listen to this joke
And of course I'll use your body
Your mind and your soul, Zachary
In such a way you'll fill a diary.
I'll use it all
As into each other's arms we fall
Making such sweet love
Our souls will float up above.
Or you could go with this guy
Who'll give you just a pin prick.
Why would you do that, though? why?

Sean:
He's talking 'bout coke lines
But idk what he just had to smoke
Messin' with his mind
Changing reality, makin' him blind
But you're not.
You can see his talk of a diary is fantasy
Imagining things that'll never be
Physically I'm a masterpiece
Every inch of me
But add you in, and the puzzle is complete.
So come have at me

Dean:
What have I been smoking?
A great drag of rhyme
That I'm going to blow in your face
To show that your skills are a disgrace.
Then I'll take my place
At the head of the 4:20 Committee of Rap.
Look at this, me destroying you
These words are like a gun going brap, brap, brap.
But Zachary, back to you
Here we are, we two
Let us get entwined
I'm sure your man won't mind
Sharing you, if he did he'd rule
If he wouldn't, it would be cruel.

The audience that had gathered around erupted into applause, and Zachary and his man both gave Dean and Sean a nod.