Sean and Dean sat opposite Alison Brie, who was dressed like a Sherlockian detective. “Oh this?” she asked, laughing and looking down. “I’ve been cast in the latest series. Looks good, huh?”
Of course she did. She was beautiful and Sean and Dean were itching to rap. It was a reflex action for them now, to start rhyming whenever they saw someone so pretty.
“I’m not here to show you my costume.” She looked everywhere, turning over cushions and behind curtains. “Just making sure we aren’t being recorded.”
“By whom?” Dean asked with curiosity.
“The greatest Machiavellians of all,” Alison said dramatically. “The NBC executives. I’m here with a proposal. I know you’re both great Community fans and were crushed when they cancelled it.”
Sean nodded, tearing up. “My whole brain was crying.”
Alison gave him a sympathetic pat on the back. “There’s more of it, a sixth season. They took it from us. Netflix wanted it but they would't let that happen either. They couldn’t stomach that cancelling the show may have been a mistake, but we’re going to get it anyway. We gave them ten years! Ten to hand them over, and now it's time.”
Dean stood to attention, saluting her. “What would you have us do?”
***
Sean and Dean burst out of the boxes, right in the middle of the NBC studios. “Here we gooooo!” Sean bellowed.
"Y'know we could've cloroformed them all," Dean said, a hand over his microphone as the screaming of adulation started. "I would've liked that."
"Why do that," Sean replied, "when we can stun them?" And with that, he begun.
Sean:
Hey you execs of NBC!
Come down and listen to me!
I'm here with rap maestro Dean,
And we want to see where you hid Alison Brie!
She'd been missing from my TV,
And I want to see more Community!
Maybe even a little more Trudy,
So get on it before you make me lose it.
Dean, hold me back. I know they're recording,
I'm gonna go sabotage all these new shows that are so boring.
Dean:
Gotta say, for once I agree
NBC what do you see?
A frenzy, caused by us
Look at all this fuss
You want to know why? Cos we cool
No one would cancel us
There is not such a tool
But Sean, I can't be with you in full
I've got an Alison to compete for
Little Miss Brie, give her to me
You know you want to
You do don't you?
Sean:
And here I thought we agreed,
But it looks like I'll have to shift priorities.
I hate NBC, but I love Alison Brie,
So there's no way I'd give her away.
Don't you see? It's with me that she'll stay.
Go make some paper planes
Or some model trains
Maybe grab a paper plate
So you can stuff your face
When me and Alison procreate.
You're always telling me to masturbate,
But it's about time you listen to your own advice, mate.
Dean:
Procreate? It’s got the word pro in it
So silly you, thinking you were fit
For such a task, it’s too much of an ask
For you to act like a man.
That would be a twist
But it isn't happening
So just keep training your wrist
Alison and I, we going to fly
Higher than the sky, into the stars
The only things as bright as our love
There in the heavens, I'll take her there twice
You can come with us, I'll be nice
We'll find you a worm hole, yo
The only kind of hole you'll get near, though
Sean:
Space is the place that you'll go for sure
But it's a vacuum up there, haven't you heard?
Yeah it's what you deserve,
Where the air pressure will leave you perturbed
Where your little you will look like a mini bratwurst.
Just let Alison make Sean hers.
Where it counts I'm a monster
And when I speak, people call for concerts.
What you say is just absurd,
I'm a king of my castle, and you're a pauper.
Alison Brie is mine, so get the fuck off her
Dean:
King? I suppose you would know a bit about courts
Being the fool
Of this castle I will rule
And a monster? Yes that's true
Greener down there than the hulk
That dipped his dick in paint
And when you speak, they do call for concerts
Because I'm there with you
Making it rain rhymes and rights
Trying to stop you speaking cos you give people the frights
But sadly we got to stop
I can see security walking on top
Of our adoring support
Our job here is done
The day is won. Let’s run
And end this battle of rhyme in good time
YOU ARE READING
Battles for Love
PoetryBoys will be boys, and when boys are boys, they argue over girls. Dean and Sean have called dibs on all their celebrity crushes, but neither of them is willing to budge on the ones they both picked. Who will win the battle for love when they argue o...
