Battles for Love

The Battle for Evanna Lynch

Sean jumped out. "What do you think?" he asked, looking mighty pleased with himself.

Dean grimaced. Sean was wearing a Hogwarts uniform that looked much too small. "That cost you how much?"

"Sixty dollars," Sean said. 

"Well it looks to me like half that is up your arse," Dean pointed out.

Sean frowned at him. "I bought it when I was fifteen. I've grown. Wait, you wouldn't know about that would you, being the same since you were twelve."

"At least mine fits," Dean said defensively.

"True," Sean admitted, but he was soon looking disapproving. "Why do you have a fake mustache on? Are you aware you can grow a real one?"

"Ah but our fans know what my real 'tashe looks like!" Dean countered with triumph. 

Sean rolled his eyes. "A genius," he mumbled sarcastically. "Come on, we're going to be late."

They'd scored choice tickets to the Harry Potter cast reunion, marking ten years since the release of the final film. They were so famous, though, that going normally would could cause a frenzy. Their disguises worked, and no one seemed to think they could be two poetic gods. However, fate struck a blow to their plans for remaining hidden. They'd both held a torch for Evanna Lynch for years and there she was in front of them. A mesmerised crowd watched on.

Dean
Evanna Lynch
you leave me in a pinch
having to reveal myself
But I just gotta say
You looking fine this day
Sean, step aside
Evanna let me confide
You're a bright ray

Sean
The Apex, It Don't Come Easy
Unless you're Evanna Lynch
She a Dynamite lady
Played the kindest witch
Luna, my baby!
Dean, don't you dare move an inch
I'm going to go compliment Ms. Amazing
All you'll ever be is her GBF
So let me take over, and watch your step

Dean
apex? you ain't that
you're bottom of the chain
couldn't fight a pacifist hat
Now stop being such a pain
looking like a wet dog in the rain
Let mine and Evanna's love soar
and go find yourself a whore

Sean
You're calling me a wet dog in the rain
When you're like a dirty stain on the lonely train
How about you refrain from all these insults that make it seem like you have no brain?
When Evanna says she loves me, she won't feign
And when she sees you, she'll wanna move to Spain
To get away from you, simple and plain.
I don't need a whore, I've got the accomplishments I've attained.
What do you have? Not a thing to your name

Dean
Sean, Sean, what can i say?
A lot actually, I'm gonna win this game
you keep trying, maybe you'll get there
but not with Evanna, I swear
We're going to be chilling by a fire
listening to songs by the Hogwarts choir
You're going to be alone in a room
Getting some pleasure out of a 'shroom
And there you'll see yourself with Evanna
and regret, cos a vision is the closest you'll get
and meanwhile I'll be in Nirvana

Sean
You'll be in Nirvana on some Lithium?
Does it smell like teen spirit to you
Or are these just territorial pissings?
I think you keep missing what's in bloom.
Keep wishing that she'd drain you.
Evanna's got better things to do than listen to your boo-hoos.
If you need an imaginary Hogwarts choir to console you
I can arrange it, dude,
But win this game? Not even if the moon was blue

Before Dean could respond, he felt a pair of sturdy hands dig into shoulders. Sean, too, had a pair of strong hands on his, and the two battling wordsmiths were pulled away from the cheering crowd.

Dean massaged his backside. They'd been thrown out, but the security guards had at least been kind enough to throw them out back where they would not be attacked by a mob of fans. The back exit did present a new challenge, though.

"We need to get back to the car," Sean pointed out as they snuck a look at a reasonably empty street. "These disguises won't work."

"Those ones would," Dean said as two men dressed as chickens walked down the street.

Sean grimaced, sighed, and then shrugged. "I suppose." He smiled a little. "It was nice seeing Emma again."