Ed Sheeran Imagines - Pure & Smut

Broken - Part 2

She was standing in the kitchen, looking blankly at out the window. My heart sank when I saw her, I thought perhaps we were moving past this, that somehow I had managed to fix her. How could it be that my beautiful girl could become so lost, her mind was warping her reality, turning her into the empty shell of a human being that was now standing in front of me. Sometimes I could feel the downward spiral, I can sense when things are about to take a turn, then there are times like today when it catches me completely off guard. The worst part is when I know she's about to go into her bad place I can't do anything to stop it. I just want to take her pain away, god what I would do to make her stop hurting.

Slowly I made my way up to her. I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed tightly, probably more so for me than her. I'm scared on days like today if I let go I might lose her forever, I can't let her slip out from my grasp.

I don't even think she realizes I'm here, she's so lost in her own mind.

"On a scale of 1 to 10 how bad is it today" I said as gently as I could, I didn't want to startle her. My head rests on hers, even like this she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. It takes her a moment, but I can feel her body tense up, her mind switches on telling her to mask her emotions, hide her pain and pretend. She adjusts her personality according to whom she is around, nobody really knows the real her aside from me. Most people know her as this carefree courageous, strong-willed woman, the happiest person.... she's become an expert at fooling people.

"I'm not necessary sad Ed, I just feel empty today" she finally answered with that small smile she uses when she's hurting.

Empty, empty... for a word that's meaning meant literally nothing that word could take the breath from my lungs in a heartbeat, that single word had become such bane of our existence.

My grip around her tightened, what if I let go and that was the last time I hugged her? She need's to know how much I love her, how much I need her. Without even realizing it I'm placing small kisses all over, perhaps this will help bring her back? Maybe this will wake her up. I could feel her body beginning to tremble, small little jolts as she fought back the tears. Oh how I wish she would just fall into me and cry, let it all out but no, that's just not her. She's fighting the battle both emotionally and physically. She glanced over towards me and smiled, I fought against my better judgment and let her go, everything in me was screaming hold on but I knew it would only make things worse. That smile, it was lifeless. She fakes that smile and say's she's okay but really she's barely hanging on. I'm at a loss, I feel like I'm watching her drown and I'm 3 feet away but no matter how hard I try I can't get to her. I want to save her so desperately, but I can't so instead I scream at her 'learn how to swim' when in reality, I should be pulling her out.

I can see the darkness overcoming her, she's becoming lost in her own mind again.

"Can you make me a coffee love" I ask, trying to direct her mind into focusing on something else. On day's like today she wasn't capable of functioning. I would set out small tasks for her to complete, nothing major of course as I couldn't risk her failing which could lead to further despair, no, just small simple things like making coffee, fetching a blanket, put on a movie. This small task would keep her busy while I prepared food, I could watch over her and ensure that she hadn't given up.

She reached for a mug and paused, she stayed like that for while, just staring at the shelf, what was going through her mind I couldn't say, I'm not sure I would want to know anyway. I let her go as I went about buttering the toast, it wasn't until I was about to dish up I reached over her and retrieved a cup snapping her back to reality. I small 'sorry' left her lips as he scrambled to make the coffee. Why was she apologizing? No one can control how they feel. The sun doesn't apologize for being the sun, the rain doesn't apologize for falling, feeling just are. I know she can't help they way her mind works, I just wish she knew that in my eyes she could never fail.