The STD Trace

10. Getting Down and Dirty... Under the Hood You Nasties!

(AN: Dudes, I'm finally back home. So here is the longer chapter I promised. I only usually write longer ones anyways. LMAO. Okay, don't get freaked out at the beginning of this chapter. It's just a joke. LOL. Also, I just went cray on this one with Hannah's thoughts. I feel like you are all ready for the REAL Hannah. LMAO. With that being said, please VOTE AND COMMENT. Means A LOT. This banner was made by @ForeverMalak. She's seriously awesome. And this is dedicated to someone I've known for a while on Wattpad. I appreciate her always :D Enjoy and stay STD free)

“It’s long and you can hold it in your hands… if your hands are normal size that is. If you have mini sirloin burger hands then… not so much. But anyways, you can put it in your mouth or do special things with it. Sometimes it gets devoured in creamy sticky stuff and people just want to eat it because at that point it’s really good. You can play with it, you can—“

“Ew! Lucas, shut up!” I wrinkled my nose in disgust. He’s always so freaking dirty.

He frowned. “I’m talking about cucumbers, Hannah, and how you put them in your salad and pour ranch on it. Jeez!” He shook his head at me.

I laughed despite the fact that my face was covered in tears and I was sobbing not too long ago. It wasn’t every day you found out your mom was pregnant by your teacher.

“Now, this thing has two flaps, and they sometimes vibrate together. It always tends to be all wet and sensitive. It makes the world go round. Without it, I think no one would be able to live their lives. It’s such a beautiful thing and—“

“Lucas!” I groaned.

“I was talking about your vocal chords. God, Hannah, you’re so dirty!” He gave a wicked smile.

I fell over with laughter again, clutching at my sides this time. I knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to make me laugh so I’d forget about my mother and Bruter. He was trying to make me feel better. But how can I get better when my life was like Mia Thermopolis’ from Princess Diaries, minus the fact that I am so not a Princess? I guess it was just something I was going to have to get used to.

“In all seriousness though, Han, you just have to get used to it.” Lucas sat on the edge of my bed, his face serious now.

I sighed. “I know. So you’re used to it already?” I looked up at him.

“Well… I mean… she was going to find someone eventually. Yes, it sucks that it had to be your teacher, but… look at it this way. Now mom won’t be out late at night flirting with dudes and stuff. She’s in a steady relationship, and pregnant. She’ll be at home more than she has ever been.” He patted my hand.

I rolled my eyes. What if I didn’t want her home with me? That’s just mean, I should want to be with my mom more. Crap, there weren’t excited butterflies in my stomach when I thought of her being home. All I could feel was dread. If I wanted to be rebellious and sneak out, I should have done that before she met my math teacher. Now she’d be home to watch me and tuck me in and stuff. I shuddered.

“You’re right.”

“Of course, I’m always right.” He squeezed my shoulder and pulled me in for a hug. “Now you can finally order someone around.”

I laughed. Great, I was now an older sister to a possible boy or girl coming into this world. If I used my janky math skills— Stop, pause, now rewind. Did I just say… janky? Oh God, Omunique was rubbing off on me. I’ll never be able to recover and I’ll turn into a…. wigger! I shook my head and then returned to my math. Okay, so if I used my math skills and common knowledge… it takes nine months to have a baby. It was now October, almost time for Halloween and that wretched party of Anna’s on the Devil’s day. So if I counted, she’d be sure to have her baby around… June something. I get out of school on June the fifth. That meant I’d be around when she pops!