15. Attack of the Virgins. They Go HAM!

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AHHHHHHH ! Hannah is FINALLY back in school :D Ah, how I love writing this. DON'T worry, there is so much more to go before I end this story. But I'm trying to finish you know? Stay with me :) I love making you guys laugh, it truly makes MY day more than anything when you tell me how funny I am. Dedicated to this girl that read my whole story and left such AMAZING comments that made my heart melt :D Enjoy and VOTE VOTE VOTE PLEASE! Stay STD free <3

Waking up this fine morning was horrible. For some reason, an obnoxious blow dryer was running in my bathroom and I wanted to die. What the hell, it was like six in the morning! Like, who gets up this early to do this shit? Hasn’t this person heard of going all natural? Shitballs, I was going to die. I threw my pillow over my head, groaning. I think the dryer just got louder.

“Oh my God, Maggie, go to fucking sleep!” I screamed.

“I’m trying to do my hair, something you should try,” she scoffed.

I tossed my pillow aside and shot up from my bed. No one—and I mean no one messes with me in the morning. Not even Lucas was crazy enough to bother me early in the morning. I always wake up at seven, no matter what. And this whore had me up at six something to the sound of a hair dryer. Hell yeah, I was angry.

“Maggie, get the hell out of my room before I pull all the hair out of your head,” I threatened. She just glared at me and I threw my covers off of me to go tackle her. Lucas threw the door open and ran over to shield Maggie before I could kill her. “So you’re on her side now?” I probably look like a wild animal, but I don’t care, I want my sleep.

“I just don’t encourage killing, Han, and that’s what you’re going to do if I don’t stop you.” He turned to Maggie. “Look, there is this kind of unspoken rule that no one and I mean no one wakes up Hannah from her sleep. She sleeps till seven, every day on school days and till eleven on weekends. If anyone interrupts that, consider yourself dead. So, turn off the dryer and do it downstairs.” He smiled in his normal morning attire of boxers and tousled hair.

Maggie smiled as if she understood. “But Hannah brought me all the way here—I think she wanted us to get closer. What gets a girl closer than doing your hair in the same exact room?” With that, she turned on the dryer and dramatically blew it through her perfect brown hair.

Red tinged my vision and I felt the world quivering around me. Next thing I remember, I was leaping for her throat. She fell to the ground and the dryer was ripped from its socket, finally freeing me from its irritating noises. I wrapped my hands around her throat and smacked her head against the ground, repeatedly.

“Hannah! You’re going to give her head trauma, stop!” Lucas pulled me off of her and I growled.

“You dumb slut, get out of my room!” I pointed to the door. With wide eyes, Maggie grabbed her dryer and scrambled out. “If she comes back, I swear I will stab her with my bare fingers.” I crawled back into bed and closed my eyes.

~.~

“Maggie, oh my God, get in the freaking car!” I hollered for the last time. All I wanted was to just drop her off so I could get to school. I refuse to be late and not be exempt from my exams at the end of the semester. This girl was going to be the death of me. No, scratch that, she was the death of herself. “Maggie!”

She scrambled out the door and my jaw dropped. What. In. The. Flying. Fuckase. Was. She. Wearing? Her mini skirt was so mini that there needed to be a new definition for the word mini. What ever happened to school freaking dress code? Her crop top rose up to expose a belly piercing that I’m pretty sure her parents had no idea she had or she’d be dead. Her hair was perfectly straight down her back and around her shoulders, her face full of make-up and on her feet were silver pumps that had to be four inches tall. What the hell was this, Mean Girls raunchy version? My God, I want to shove her back into the house. I needed to pull out my Call Me Maybe song, a few of my old Christina jokes, and maybe a couple of ones that I haven’t even invented yet.

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