Oblivious

5. don't wake up

I couldn't sleep.

It was far too warm underneath the cover. Ayden was emitting heat like a radiator, and it didn't help that I was very aware of the way his naked torso felt against my chest. None of that seemed to bother him, though. He was sleeping soundlessly, eyelids closed and his breathing even. I could feel each breath fan across my damp skin, heating it further. He reeked of alcohol, and if it were possible to get drunk on fumes, I would be buzzed.

Those small breaths puffing from his parted lips subtly told me that time was passing by, but beyond that, I had no perception of how late it was. My thoughts were swirling around in a confusing dance that refused to settle. I was exhausted, but it didn't seem to matter. I was stuck in limbo, right in the middle of awake and asleep. All I knew was that it was getting late, too late for me since I had a class early next morning. I couldn't even remember what class it was, but that was irrelevant.

After a few more minutes of internal debate, I started to disentangle from our embrace. I had arrived at the conclusion that it would be best if we didn't wake up together, and that I might as well get some sleep while I still could. I wanted to stay—I really did—but things would just become more awkward if Ayden woke up. He probably wouldn't even remember that he was the one getting me into his bed in the first place. In the worst case scenario, he would become angry when he realized that I was lying in his arms.

I gently pushed away from him, but it proved to be more difficult than I had anticipated. As soon as my skin left his, he tightened his hold around my back, driving me into his chest. I tried again, with more force, but I didn't have a chance, at least not if I wanted him to stay asleep.

"Cal..." The sound of my name, mumbled from his plump lips, made me stiffen.

"Yeah?"

Ayden didn't answer, he just pressed himself closer.

"Cal," he whispered again—this time even softer.

When he didn't say anything else, I realized he was dreaming. That made it even more awkward, and I was fed up with all the confusing thoughts that tumbled inside of me. He didn't help right now. He didn't help at all. I could feel my body responding to his, and my heart clenched in response. He was probably dreaming about something that had nothing to do with the thoughts that ran through my head, but his soft words echoed inside of me and refused to settle. I had to get away before it was too late.

I pushed away from him with more force, and he finally let me go. Instead of clinging to me, Ayden wrapped his arms around a pillow and continued to sleep. I took a deep breath and climbed out of the bed as soundlessly as I could. With one hand on the doorway, I stopped and looked over my shoulder. He appeared at ease, breathing softly. It was calming to see his lack of reaction. I needed to know that everything was as it was supposed to be. We were friends, and friends didn't think about their friends that way.

I stumbled off to my own room, not really thinking straight with my exhausted brain. I desperately needed sleep. Landing on the bed with a groan, I barely had time to conclude that it was cold and lonely before drifting off.

* * * *

The next morning arrived with a slight headache throbbing behind my forehead. I hadn't slept nearly enough. It took a few minutes for me to remember what happened yesterday, but when I did, I regretted ever waking up.

I listened for sounds in the apartment, hoping to avoid Ayden. I was being irrational, but I wanted some space between us. I had to forget all about yesterday. It was the only way to cope. I would forget everything, even the weird tension between Jessica and me. Perhaps I just needed to make an effort with her.

I got up, covered myself in a big t-shirt and peeked out into the empty living room. I felt ridiculous, but that didn't stop the feeling of relief that trickled along my spine. Hopefully, Ayden was still asleep. I stepped back into my room, closed the door and started my morning routine, eager to get lost in mindless tasks that required nothing of me.

Twenty minutes later I left the apartment, nibbling on a sandwich I'd decided to eat on the way to save time and get out of there as fast as I could. I was acting like a coward, but it wouldn't hurt anyone. Ayden wouldn't even think twice about the fact that I wasn't there. He probably wouldn't even notice considering the hangover he must have.

The morning was chilly and damp after yesterday's rain, gray clouds still hung low in the sky. Cars sped past, running through the puddles on the street, splashing nearby pedestrians. I managed to avoid the sprays by walking as far away from the street as possible, hiding under my hoodie. I pointedly held my gaze down, refusing to look at anyone. I just wanted to be alone in my misery. I wasn't a morning person, and this morning was worse than others.

Arriving to the classroom, I sat down at the back, slouching in a chair. I got a confused stare from one of my classmates, one I didn't recognize. I usually sat close to the middle, next to Jessica, but I wasn't ready to deal with her so early in the morning. I figured the change of seat was the reason why the girl stared at me with her wide brown eyes. She was kind of pretty, and she blushed slightly as I met her gaze.

"Hi," she said with a timid voice.

"Hi," I drawled back, definitely not interested in making conversation. She didn't take the hint; she smiled, and I wanted to roll my eyes. She was very obvious.

"I'm Louisa," she continued. I had been brought up with manners, but they rarely surfaced at times like these. I ignored her pleading voice and got out my notepad and pen.

I was left alone after that. No one bothered me, and I kept my eyes on the professor, not allowing them to stray to the middle where I knew Jessica sat. I was making the situation worse by sitting alone, but I wasn't ready for any kind of conversation, least of all with my girlfriend.

The professor asked a question, and I slouched further down in my seat. I had no intention of answering, not when it required me to speak up about the numbers that littered the board. Several hands shot up into the air.

"Yes, Miss," the professor said, pointing toward the middle.

"Thank you, Professor Davis. It is clear that the Iraqi politicians are still suffering from the borders drawn across the area..." I zoned out, blocking Jessica's voice from my ears. I didn't want to hear it. She sounded far too perky while I was plagued with guilt and confusion.

I started to doodle on the empty piece of paper before me, drawing symbols that didn't make sense at all, not until I saw the shades of a naked chest and a curved neck. I crumpled the paper in my hands and threw it to the ground. The girl beside me arched an eyebrow but quickly looked away as I scowled.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, and for once, I was glad for the disruption. I pulled it up, ignoring the pointed look from the girl and read the message.

Won't be home for a week, going for a shoot in Florida, can you pick up my assignments?

I grew cold inside. Ayden wouldn't be home for a week. I closed my eyes, determined to think that this was a good thing. One week away from him meant that I would have time to find my balance again. With every breath, I forced down the uneasy feeling that crawled just beneath my skin. This was good. It had to be. I mean, he would go fuck some other random dude in front of a few cameras, and I would be home focusing on everything but him. I would focus on my girlfriend.

"You okay?" the girl beside me asked. My eyes shot up, and I realized just how tense I was.

Fuck this!

I gathered my stuff and left the classroom, all but slamming the door behind me.