Oblivious

Chapter 15

Ayden slept in my arms, his body rising and falling with each soft breath. I had spent almost an hour whispering sweet nothings into his ear, trying my best to calm him down. I don't know whether it helped or not, but at least he was sleeping.

I lay awake, thinking about my role. I was sure Ayden meant nothing by it, but I felt guilty knowing I played a role in his dad's departure. If I hadn't been around Ayden so much all those years... Would he have fallen for me? Or would he have fallen for someone else? Had I inadvertently caused a split in his family?

Another complication was the jealousy. The vile emotion kept burning with a chilling intensity since he left for the shoot, and somehow, I felt entitled to it. I had the right to be jealous. But knowing that I was a cause for his situation, did I still have that right? I wasn't so sure anymore, and the guilt kept piling up inside of me.

I had resigned the idea of sleeping. I had far too many thoughts spinning around in my head. His confessions gave me so many things to think about, and I wanted to come up with some sort of solution to all his problems. Not because he asked for it, but because it felt natural. I wanted to help him—I wanted him to understand that he wasn't alone in all of this. I would be there for him every step of the way if he let me. I just had to figure out how I could help.

Snuggling into his neck, I let his scent silence my thoughts. I knew we had to talk more about everything, but in reality, I couldn't decide a single thing without his consent. I could come up with a million solutions, but none of them would help if he didn't want to use them.

I had a few in mind, but all of them were solutions I knew would be put down the minute I suggested them. Ayden always wanted to do things himself. He never wanted to rely on another person to fix things. Partly, it had to do with not owing anyone anything, but the other part was pride. Ayden had a lot of pride, and it hadn't diminished over the years.

Knowing about his disposition, I knew it was useless to say that I wanted to contribute with money directly. He wouldn't let me. However, I would definitely start paying more of the rent. Since I was constantly short on cash, Ayden gave me a discount. We both had scholarships, but that didn't cover everything. In my stupidity, I had assumed that Ayden got some help from his rich dad, but now I knew that wasn't the case.

Ayden had been spoiled rotten as a kid, but to his credit, it never showed. He'd never boasted about money. Instead, he had taken in a broken boy and hidden me under his bed when the monsters were lurking outside.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my thoughts again. It was no use thinking about these things when I should be asleep.

My first class on Tuesdays was far too early in the morning, and I would have to look through the textbook before I got there. If I didn't, I wouldn't understand what Professor Hopkins was saying. She always assumed everyone was well prepared for her classes, and after almost half a term, I knew it was in my best interest to follow that rule.

I shook my head. These useless musings didn't help me sleep.

Ayden stirred, and for a second I was afraid that I had disturbed his rest. He needed his hours, and I doubted that he would fall asleep again if he awoke. I tried to remain absolutely still so that he would calm down, but it didn't help. He moved around, and he even whimpered a couple of times. To my relief, he settled and his breathing turned even once more.

* * * *

I woke up with Ayden still resting in my arms, his back pressed against my chest. I decided to savor the moment, if just for a little while. For now, I didn't have to think about all the crap surrounding us. I could just breathe in his familiar scent and imagine that everything was fine.