Beauty and the Beast (Goku x Vegeta)

Turles' En-Core-Agement

"Who does he think he is? That guy has tangled with the wrong man! No woman nor man has ever said 'no' to Turles!" The conceited man stated, flustered.

"Darn right!" Salza chimed in.

"Dismissed. Rejected. Publicly humiliated! It's more than I can bare!" The disgraced man turned in his chair. Salza followed and showed him the beer mug, " More beer?" 

"What for? Nothing helps... I'm disgraced.." He turned away from Salza.

Salza turned his chair to face him, "Who, you? Never! Turles, you've got to pull yourself together! Jeez, it disturbs me to see you so down in the dumps. Every guy here would love to be you, Turles. Even when you're taking your lumps-" There was cheering from the gallery of men in the bar. "There's no other man in town that is as admired as you. You're everyone's favorite guy! Everyone is awed and inspired by you! And it's not very hard to see why!"

Salza stood straight up and smirked, "Be-cause... No one's slick as Tur-les, no one's quick as Tur-les. No one's next as incredibly thick as Tur-les. For there is no man in town half as manly. Perfect, a pure paragon. You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley. And they'd tell you which team they'd prefer to play on." Salza stole someone's belt and put it around Turles's neck, who flexes snapping the belt.

A croud of men start to join in the song. "No one's been like Tur-les, no one's king-pin like Tur-les!"

"As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating." Turles rubbed his chin and smirked.

"No one's got a swell cleft in his chin as Tur-les!"

"My what a guy that Turles! Give five hurrahs, give twelve hip-hips for the man!" The crowd cheers for the conceited man and continue their song.

"No one fights like Tur-les, no one bites like Tur-les... In a wrestling match, no one bites as Tur-les!"

Soon enough, the bimbettes join in the sing-along, saying; "For there is no one as burly and brawny!"

Turles smirked, "As you see I have biceps to spare-" 

"Not a bit scraggly or scrawny!" Salza chimed in.

"That's right! And every last inch of me is covered in hair-" Turles fought off some guys, showed off his muscles and his hairy chest.

"No one hits like Tur-les, no one matches wits with Tur-les! In a spitting match, no one spits like Tur-les!" The cronies boomed.

"I'm especially good at expectorating ptooey!" He spat. 

"Ten points for Turles!" They all cheered again.

Turles was changing subjects he was playing or doing. He tossed the Chess board across the table, going and biting a piece of leather off a belt, chewing and spitting it out.

"When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs every morning to help me get large. And now that I'm grown, I eat five dozen eggs, so I'm roughly the size of a barge!" Turles bragged as he juggled the eggs and ended up swallowing them whole. Salza tried to imitate, but as a result, he got hit in the face with three eggs.

"No one shoots like Tur-les, makes those beauts like Tur-les. No one goes tromping around in boots like Tur-les!"

"I use antlers in all of my decorating!" Turles pointed out to the antlers in the bar.

"My what a guy!! Turles!!!!!!!!" The crowd pushed Turles into a chair and lifted it up and carried him around in it. 

Suddenly, Gohan bursts into the place, "Help! Someone please help me!"

An old man looked at the frantic man, "Gohan?" 

"Please! Please! He's got him locked in a dungeon!" He exclaimed in a panicked voice. 

"Who?" Salza questioned, cocking a brow.

"Goku! Not a minute to lose! We must go now, please!" Gohan quickly explained.

"Slow down, Gohan! Who's got Goku locked in a dungeon?" Turles stopped the hasty man.

"A beast!! A horrible, monstrous beast!" Gohan cried, going to each person and telling him how horrible the creature was, until he was thrown to Turles' feet. To what used to be silence that fell in the building, soon erupted with mocking laughter. 

One man grinned mockingly, "Is it a big beast?" 

Gohan, not knowing they were making fun of him simply nodded vigorously, "Huge!"

"With a long, ugly snout?" Another chimed in.

"Hideously ugly!" Gohan shuddered.

"What about sharp, cruel fangs?" A third man asked, clearing joining in the tease.

"Yes, yes! will you help me?" Gohan asked anxiously.

"Alright, old man. We'll help you out-" Turles gave a smirk and some cronies picked up Gohan and threw him out. 

"Crazy old Gohan... He's always a good laugh!" A man chuckled. 

"Crazy old Gohan, hmm? Crazy old Gohan, hmm?" Turles repeated, pensively. "Salza... I'm afraid I've been thinking..." 

Salza scooted closer to Turles, "Mmm, a dangerous pastime..."

"I know... but that wacky old coot is Goku's grandfather... his sanity is so-so... The wheels in my head are turning, since I looked at that old loon. See... I promised myself I'd marry Goku. And right now I'm evolving a plan!" Turles pulls Salza close to whisper in his ear. 

"If I."

"Yes?"

"Then I... whisper whisper..."

"No, would he?"

"whisper... GUESS!"

"Now I get it!"

"Lets go!" The two exclaimed and waltz around the floor as they sing.

"No one plots like Tur-les, no one takes cheap shots like Tur-les! Plans to persecute crockpots like Tur-les!" 

"His marriage, we'll soon be celebtrating! What a guy!!! Turles!!!!" 

Outside, Gohan looked around, " Will no one help me...?"