F.A.F // H2OVanoss [Completed]

Chapter 26

"Well, you certainly took your time this morning, didn't you?" Tyler was bitter as Evan approached the cafeteria table, Jonathan right behind him.

Evan rolls his eyes. "I was busy." He settles into the seat besides Tyler, Jonathan doing the same, not even glancing back at Luke as he shuffles in besides Evan with a smile.

"What? You're sitting here too now?" Brian asks from across the table, and Evan just laughs.

"Don't mind him, he's just grumpy." Evan told Jonathan, smiling at him. The smile nearly stopped the conversations that were happening at the table, all eyes flying to Evan's facial expression. It was so unlike all his other smiles, the way it was so natural, so genuine, so real, so unlike the Evan they had known all throughout high school. So happy, so nice, so natural.

"Well, me and Luke aren't on speaking terms right now, so I figured this was okay, since you know, we've been spending a lot of time together." Jonathan pulls a usual smile of his, casual, lazy, fun, happy. A smile Evan found himself always craving, even more than he usually did, almost as if kissing the boy made his feelings skyrocket farther into the stratosphere. "It's okay, right?"

"Yeah," Tyler speaks up, noticing the look that had been shared between Evan and Jonathan. "That's fine."

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Jonathan grabs Evan's hand with confidence as they walk down the hall at the end of school, the entire day they had spent every second that they could together, even sneaking in a kiss between a couple of their classes and after lunch had finished. Evan doesn't mind the stares, brushing them off as he continues to speak with his boyfriend about various things, even leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. All the kinda of things that couples tend to do.

Whispers follow him despite the time of day, despite everyone beginning to leave in their cars, or by walking or taking the bus or being picked up by siblings and somehow leaving the school before five o'clock rolls around. The whispers are ones of sorrow, worry, relief and surprise. Sorrow for Jonathan, Evan assumed, because he was stuck with Evan, who was sure to ruin him somehow, someway. Worry, no doubt for how things would turn out in the end. Relief, because finally Evan had found a person that he would be comfortable with for a while, a single person he could spend time with. Surprise, because no one expects someone like Evan to end up dating a boy like Jonathan, who was so far off the popular radar that couldn't have been a chance the two had crossed paths before, they were so different.

Weirdly, Evan didn't feel different around Jonathan. Subconsciously, he knew that he couldn't erase all that he had done in the past with other people, he knew that he couldn't go back and re-do high school all over again just so he can do it differently, he knew he couldn't do that. But with Jonathan, he felt like he not only could do that, but that he had done just that as well.

However, as life would have it, the two boys could not always be around each other, eventually they had to part ways for one another's separate homes, where they would reside until the next day when they repeated their cycle, it was a comfortable routine.

Yet Evan hated it, hated that he finally got what he wanted and somehow he wanted more. The thought sent him spiraling once again, once he had collected all his thoughts and feelings and forced himself to calm down about the whole thing but he couldn't, the thoughts were too strong. Whenever he was away from Jonathan, the thoughts would creep in, sending him spiraling down with worry, slinking into the dark corners of his mind that seemed to be appearing more and more lately.

Ever since that sleepover, that one night spending about an hour in the hallway closet, his friends fast asleep in the next room-which he only found out after they exited of their own accord-this feeling had been sweeping through him. It was an odd, uncomfortable feeling, becoming most prominent when he had first read the dreaded text messages, when anger had burst through his chest and his feelings spoke louder than his logic.

It all had happened so fast, he could barely recall the crucial moments that had lead him to the present, his emotions so raw and exposed that he didn't give himself a chance to step back and look at everything that had led him there. The things that had brought him straight to Jonathan, to his ultimate goal.

Then, why did everything still hurt? Why did he still feel like his lungs would give out at any moment, like nothing had changed. Like having Jonathan as his boyfriend had done nothing to change him in his set ways that he didn't belong with him, that he was still unworthy of a relationship and all the benefits it dragged behind it like a parade.

Around Jonathan, he was okay, he could breathe and smile and all the thoughts that used to plague him on a regular basis seemed to vanish as he let himself sink into the realization of having everything he wanted right there next to him.

But when he was alone, he consistently felt like he was going to break down at any second, knowing how quickly his stable situation could crash, falling into the ground with such a force you wouldn't feel it if it killed you, but if it left you alive, the pain would be unbearable. Evan had been on the edge of feeling that pain, he could feel the plane's engine give way and was about to send him down to the surface in a burst of flame and smoke, but at the last second, the engine had been repaired by itself it seemed. He was alive, but now on edge, his guard up.

Everything he had wanted was his, but he was still faking all the things he had faked before, his spell only lifting in the presence of Jonathan, but Evan knew he couldn't be around him at every waking moment, he knew that he was doomed to crash and burn by himself. Not only would he have to watch himself fall apart but he would also be the one to put himself back together again. He was stuck in the painful cycle of misery and relief, interchanging like a switchblade, slicing through the air with every transition.

How was it possible that a sleepover had left him gasping in the dark like this?