Tall Insomniacs.- (Connor Murphy X reader)

Chapter 9.

TRIGGER WARNIGZZZ: BASICALLY SHINE A LIGHT REPRISE. OH. NO.

~Connor's POV~

"Do you have a thing for my friend?" Zoe blurted out during dinner. Cynthia and Larry stared at me. My face heated up, not because of embarrassment, but anger. Who the fuck does she think she is. The wind howled from outside. There was tension in the air, so I broke it.

"Fuck off!" I growled.

"Don't speak like that at the dinner table, young man!" Larry yelled at me. Zoe scoffed and rolled her eyes at me.

"It was just a question." I contemplated wether I should tell her or not...

"Which one?" I asked her. She rolled her eyes. I knew which one but I also wanna piss her off.

"Y/N!" She yelled back.

"So what if I do?"

"You just want her in your pants."

"Shut the fuck up!" I banged my fists on the table causing her to flinch. "Bitch." I whispered under my breath. The candles on the tables flickered. Zoe sighed and poked at her tofu.

"Mom, I'm not hungry." She got up from the table, but she stopped and turned around. "—And Connor, she's coming here tomorrow. Also, go fuck your self." And with that said she darted upstairs. We sat in silence the rest of the meal. I finished my food and started to get up.

"Connor, wait." I looked, it was Cynthia. I sat down, again. "Me and your father were thinking... it'd be nice for you to try therapy. It can fix you!"

I looked at them in disbelief. I clenched my fists, And felt that feeling boil in me. 'Fix you.' The words echoed in my head.

~You do the hard thing, cause that's the right thing.~

"It's not as easy as just sending me away! You think I'm insane don't you! I'm not fucking insane! You are! You all are! You don't understand, you never have!" I screamed. Then I did something really fucking different, I broke out into sobs. I couldn't hold it in anymore. They wouldn't stop, no matter how hard I tried. My mother came over and wrapped her arms around me. My dad laid his hand on my shoulder.

~It takes a little patience.~

Zoe looked at us from the stairs and didn't criticize me, or make fun of me. She just stared. I ran my hands through my hair and tugged at it.

"We just want to help. You my not know this, Connor, but I love you." Cynthia said to me.

~You do the hard thing.~

My sobs rattled the house.

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~Y/N's POV~

Evan left my room. I sat on the bed alone. Well, alone, until my mom came in.

"Next time knock, please." I stared at the glow in the dark stars, above me.

"Hi, honey." She approached me cautiously. "You saw me at the table with that man earlier... right?"

I nodded. Where the flipping flapping fuck is this going.
"Well, I really love him and I wanna see if it's okay with you, first." She smiled nervously at me.

I looked at my mom with disbelief. Then my expression changed. Changed to anger. I balled up my fists.

"You said he was coming back!" I yelled. She flinched a bit.

"Who?" She tried to shush me, it didn't work. There was undeniable confusion in her eyes.

"Dad!" I yelled back. "You said Dad would come back! He was coming back..." my voice cracked. Every time I said 'Dad' she flinched. "I want you to be happy, but I wanna be happy too! I deserve to be happy! Why did he leave, mom! Why!"

"It's been 10 years, Y/N! Don't you understand! He left because of us! Us! HE WASN'T HAPPY WITH US!" She shook her head and got up off my bed. She looked back at me. "I- I'm so sorry.... just- g-Go to sleep." She whispered and left the room. I didn't sleep, just stared at the covers.

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I couldn't sleep. My brain kept talking, keeping me awake.

Your the reason he left. It sneered.

Worthless. Remember when you had depression? You should have just killed yourself then.

Aww, look! Y/N's Gonna whine, whine, all night! stop.

Kill yourself! Stop!

Die alone! STOP.

It's not gonna make a difference. No one cares. Your just a kid in the background. STOP! 

I whimpered. Then the tears came.

"No-! Don't cry, don't cry!" I whispered. 'Do it.' The words echoed in my brain.

'Fine.' I thought. 'If you fucking say so.' I got out of my bed. My hands were shaking.

I was carful with every step, making sure nothing
creaked. The only light was from the TV downstairs. I went in the bathroom and shut on the light. I looked in the mirror at myself, I- I- I opened the cabinet and took out my prescription pills.

Hansen, Y/N.

The shiny orange bottle read. I took a deep breath opened them up and put seven in my mouth. I put some water in a cup and—

"Y/N! What are you doing!?" Evan looked like he had just woke up, but his eyes were wide. His voice rose and octave. He pushed me on the wall and I spit the pills out.

"You could have killed me!" I growled.

"What were you trying to do?" He shot back. Evan looked like he was on the brink of tears. I hugged him tight.

"It's my fault. I'm a mistake, I always make mistakes..." I whispered in his ear, tears streaming down my face.

"No- no Your not. It was stupid for me to think, Y'know, w-what I did this summer would fix it but n-no." He held on to me tighter. "Promise me you won't do this again. It would hurt me, Y/N, you don't know how much it would hurt us."

He stopped and looked me dead in the eye. "Promise me. Please." His voice cracked at every word.

"I promise you." I hugged him once more.

That night he stayed with me In my room. Like the good old times, after we would pretend to be pirates, or doctors, or valiant nights, he would stay with me in my fort. Except I didn't have a fort anymore. Just covers and a mattress.

His grip on my has never been so tight. He was truly worried about me. Maybe because, he saw himself in me.

The window was cracked open a little, which helped the cold breeze snake around me and engulf me In scents of the outside. I love him too much to ever do that again. I love my little brother too damn much.

~For forever. ~

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Hey guys! Sorry this chapter was a little- a lot depressing. But it moves the story along. Welp. Bye!

Ela~

P.S. MICHAEL DAVID FAIST HAS LEFT BROADWAY BUT IM SEEING IT IN JANUARY HELP. IM IN LITERAL TEARS.