Breathe Easy

You would be a wonderful mom

The weeks of stalling were running out as I still didn't give into having a child with Logan. Although he didn't let the topic go, he didn't push it, and I was grateful for that, but then I began to ask myself. Why can't I have a child now? I got the answers as quickly as I thought of the questions. Because you are not ready, and because you are not married to him let alone even dating, and you haven't even taken the other step after kissing Logan. Every answer was true, and I wasn't going to lie to myself saying that I was ready when I truely wasn't. I wanted to have children when I wasn't pressured into it, I didn't want to someday tell our child that they were born because their dad was going to jail, that wasn't fair to me or the child. "Tru, I love you," he spoke softly as he ran a hand through my hair. We were laying on the couch watching What Women Want with Mel Gibson.

"I love you too, Logan," I whispered back, he kissed the top of my head and then leaned his cheek on it. "Logan, when ever I am not being pressured, then I will have your child," I told him randomly.

He smiled, his hand still running itself through my black hair, "I know. We'll figure it out when it comes time to tell the judge." I was worried, he was going to go to jail then just because I was too scared to have a child, and too worried about telling it that it wasn't out of love.

"I don't want you to leave though, because of me." He chuckled lightly then spoke,

"Don't worry about it, just watch the movie, Sweetheart." I nodded then turned my attention to the movie on TV.

We went to bed after the movie was over, but neither of us could get to sleep. I lay my head on his chest as I continued to draw our names on his stomach with my finger. He stroked my hair like eariler as he thought about something that I wasn't really sure of. "Logan?" I suddenly asked with a quiet tone.

"Mmm?" He mumbled, I looked up at him looking into my eyes.

"I'm scared."

"Why?" He asked curiously.

"If I don't follow through with your plan, then you'll go to jail and I won't be able to see you for as long as the judge wants. But if I do, then I won't know what to do with it, what if I'm not a good mom? What will our parent's say when they find out?" It was surprising that they didn't show up to court with us. I was very happy though that Logan talked me through the things that I was scared or nervous about, it made me happy that he would be there for me no matter what.

"I'm not worried if I go to prison. I'm worried about you though, I won't know how you are doing," he paused to answer my other words, "If you had a kid, I know for a fact that you would be a wonderful mom, how you've taken care of me....even if it was mainly against your will, you did a wonderful job and I'm still sorry that I was a jerk.... I would help you too, you wouldn't be alone on this. Our parents wouldn't care, you know they love us being together."

"I just don't know what to do." I felt a hint of sadness rising to my chest.

"We have time."

"It's not that. I don't know what to do with all the responsibilities that would come when we have a child," I began to sob a little. Small tears slowly breaking away from my tear duct. He wiped away my tears then held me in his arms tight, whispering,

"I would help you with that. That is what a couple does when they have a kid, they help each other out so that one or the other doesn't feel alone and stranded with a child to tend to," he explained softly. I sniffed and cried,

"We aren't a couple though"

"Shh. I am not forcing you. You have time to think, whether you chose to have or not have a child, I will still love you" I nodded. He kissed my cheek and continued to hold me in his arms.

Throughout the whole night, Logan conforted me with the two decisions that I had to pick through within the next month. Logan really was the best.