Believing Mean’s Nothing...
Maybe, just maybe it made me seem selfish and self absorbed that Tayo was missing, his whole family now hated me and people never looked at me the same as they did before. To say I was sad would be the easiest way possible to explain my true feelings – it felt like a sudden urge of unhappiness had fled through my body taking every piece of care in the world I ever had, along with most of my sanity. It was almost as if it was yesterday I was told Tayo was gone. It really and truly hurt me inside to know that someone could be evil and do such a thing to a human being. I sighed inwards while walking down the road, the wind blowing my fake eyelashes causing them to begin to flutter. No matter what I did to myself, I couldn’t get over the fact that I was in love with someone I’d probably never see again since they were gone. It was tearing me apart quickly to know that Tayo was no longer going to be here, for his family, friends and most of all for us... me and him. It was an awful feeling and I wished that it would slowly go away. I couldn’t take my head out of the clouds due to it. It felt disabling, very. I finally got back to Courtney’s house. I’d been staying there for quite a while now since mum found out what had happened with Tayo. I felt as if my own family was going against me, mum didn’t trust me a single bit, dad was always busy and just didn’t care how I felt. I felt unwelcome there. The only person who somewhat understood me was Courtney, even though in my eyes he did look a bit wary about what happened. I took my chances and stayed with him instead. I opened the door using his keys and rested them on the small brown coffee table behind the door. I took off my jacket and put it on the hook. Every day I took walks around the block just to clear my mind on the situation I was in. Either way, I couldn’t. Day after day thinking of what would happen if Tayo was here would be like, but no, instead I’m drowning in my own misery and sorrows about him not being here with me.
“You okay?” I sighed inwards at the voice of Amy’s clearing the silence. I said nothing, only nodded instead. “Look I heard what’s going on, it’s going to be okay...”
“It’s not going to be okay...” I unlaced both of my boots and began to slip them off. “It’s been weeks now, almost a month and there’s been no sign of Tayo’s appearance. I’m even coming to the conclusion that he isn’t alive anymore, and it pains me.” I looked Amy in the eye. “It pains me to see everyone else happy day by day, all cheery with their boyfriends planning for the future ahead of them while I have to sit there buried in my own troubles.”
“It’s hard, but I’m sure everything will come together...”
“That’s funny you say that, because my so called friends have been saying the same thing for the past two weeks now and still nothing has happened. Everything isn’t going to come together, if it hasn’t before then it definitely won’t now.” I walked away from Amy and made my way upstairs into the bedroom I now called my room. I sat upon the bed and held my head in my hands. I honestly couldn’t take this hassle anymore. I was sick and tired of everyone reassuring me things would turn out already when I already knew they wouldn’t. I had to build a bridge and get over it; I couldn’t possible keep my head in the clouds for any longer. It was practically killing me to do so. I sighed loudly and rolled my eyes at the thought of moving on. What was I actually thinking? I’d never fall out of love with someone that I’m deeply in love with. Tayo is the first boyfriend I’ve ever had, I’m shocked that we’ve lasted this long.
“Zoe.” I looked up at a fully dressed Courtney staring down at me with intent eyes. I immediately looked away not wanting to draw attention to myself. I felt my movement on my bed and realized Courtney had gotten comfortable resting his head upon the sideboard.
“I’m gonna’ be honest with you innit.” I said nothing, only listened. “Whatever’s going down in this whole situation, it makes you look bare sketchy. I’m not gonna’ lie about it, lately I’ve had a bit of different thoughts on the situation you know.”
